Alex and Annie: A Bad Jokes Spinoff

Chapter 11 (Alex): Lock Picks

I stood outside Annie's door, my speech explaining to her the shift in our relationship ready to go, two bags of Chinese food in my hands.

"Who is it?"

OK, see? Why do women pull this shit? She had a peephole, so Annie was clearly fucking with me. However, given that she didn't know things had changed with us and she was still angry with me, I'd give her this play.

"It's Alex," I said. "Let me in."

Silence.

"Annie, the food's getting cold. I picked up Chinese from your favorite place. Let me in."

I heard her locks disengage and she opened the door with the chain still on. Her hand poked out through the opening. "Hand through my food."

"Annie, I'm not handing you the food so you can eat without me. Either open the door or you don't get your food."

My girl could never resist Chinese food, and I smirked to myself when her door shut. Any second I'd hear the chain...Wait. Why was she engaging the locks?

"Annie, open the door. We have a lot to talk about."

Silence again.

"Last chance, Annie," I called out to her.

Motherfucking silence.

With a sigh -- really, this is why I'd stayed single so long because women liked to pull this shit just because they could -- I set the bags of food down, pulled a couple of tools from my back pocket, and in thirty seconds, I was walking into her apartment. I really needed to get her better locks.

"Annie?" I called out.

From her bedroom, I heard a screech and then she came running out to me, wearing a bathrobe.

"What the hell, Alex? You can't just walk in here!"

"Had no choice since you were being difficult and wouldn't open the door to me yourself."

"I'm not being difficult just because I don't want to see you! Did you ever consider that?"

"Do you want to eat at the kitchen table or on the couch?"

"I want to eat at the restaurant where my date is taking me tonight!"

"You should probably call and cancel. We have, as I mentioned, a lot to discuss."

"One, I'm not canceling. Two, we have nothing to discuss."

"So you call in sick to work today but you're OK to have a date?"

Her arms crossed over that luscious chest. Focus, Alex.

"Yes, I called in sick of you. I didn't want to see you today, but I'm perfectly fine for my date."

"Annie, I realize I haven't clued you in yet, but things have changed between us. If you'd been at work today, I could have told you. But you having a date? Yeah, that's not going to work for me, so either you call him and cancel, or I'll handle the situation when he arrives to pick you up."

"I'm meeting him somewhere; he's not coming here."

"Even better. You can just stand him up since you aren't going to meet him." Then I paused. "Unless this is another make believe date like Mikhail was make believe?"

Annie, in all her moods was beautiful, but outrage was stunning on her. The heightened color on her cheeks, the slight flare of her nose, the lift of her jaw, the spark in her eyes. Fucking gorgeous.

For a minute, I thought she was going to bash me over the head with the nearest blunt object.

"Yes, I really have a date, you jackass."