Desperate ~ Calum Hood (au)

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As humans, we need to realise that in life certain things happen.

We meet people through random or awkward exchanges, some of which happen when we least expect it and yet these people can tend to become some of the most important in our lives.

We find ourselves thinking about them in our darkest or happiest hours, we wonder what they're doing, how they're feeling and what they're thinking and take it upon ourselves to continue building our relationships with them regardless of where we are or what time it is.

Friends.

Our relationships with them then could either continue to grow or can start to deteriorate, when we find ourselves feeling something further towards that one particular person we never thought we would feel.

It's that moment when your heart begins to pound and you can hear the sound of it in your ears, or when your palms become so sweaty it's almost embarrassing.

It's that moment when you wish you were the only two people in the world, yet as soon as you make the wish you almost regret it because of the lump that forms in your throat when you see that person enter the room.

Then you realise, that after all of the countless days, hours, minutes and seconds that you've been thinking about that person...that they have suddenly become your entire world and you begin to wonder if you have become theirs.

It's infatuation, or love. It could be an obsession, a delusion or even a dream. Whatever it is, you know that you are the only person who will ever truly be able to understand the feelings that you have towards them and that nobody else will ever understand how you feel, no matter how hard you try to explain it....there are no words.

But then you begin to have doubts, evil thoughts and wonders as to if it was all real, or just all in your head. What if they never liked you in the way you hoped? what if you were just another person to them..or just a friend? What if you had given everything that you are to that person and in return you got less than what you had hoped for?

What do you call that feeling ?

I can't explain it...i can't explain anything.

I just knew that I loved him and in my mind I knew he loved me so much more that i couldn't see past the emotions i was making him feel in order to keep me safe or sane or whatever he had planned. It's like i was pressuring him into loving me, i was suffocating him with my own selfish feelings that i never really gave him the chance to express his true ones.

Maybe this is Karma...or Fate.

Maybe this was meant to happen......

I'll just have to let it be.

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My brain just went psycho on this and my throat is tight.
I think we can all relate to this in one way or another.
Updates will happen when they can...
Thanks for staying x

-S