Desperate ~ Calum Hood (au)

20

Shannel

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Calum sat and waited for her outside the hotel bathroom as she went to have a shower. In order to cleanse herself she went through almost the entire bottle of shower gel he had bought for her and most of the shampoo, in her attempt to become as 'clean' as possible, though she would always feel dirty.

After drying herself and changing her tampon, she changed into a new pair of undergarments, as well as the nightwear he had purchased for her and tied her we hair up into a bun.

Resting on the floor was the dress she had previously been wearing, as well as her dirty bra and underwear, but on the sink, sitting in it's perfect original packaging was the drugs Natt had given her. She kept it quiet from Calum simply because she did not want him to know.

She had earned that herself, and nobody was going to share it with her or take it away from her.

She placed it securely in the medicine cabinet behind the bathroom mirror and closed it, keeping it safely stored away for when she desperately needed it.

Now fully clothed, in her night shorts and oversized superhero t-shirt that rested on her upper thighs, she walked over to the sink and stood in front of it, just staring at herself in the mirror.

It had been a while since she actually took the time out to look at her own reflection, but every time she did, it disgusted her.

She had presumed Calum may have left, because she was showering for a long time and so she just stood and stared at herself, not even recognising the person staring back at her.

She grew infuriated, angry with herself and everything that she had become, she was angry with every man that had lay a hand on her, angry with Dominic who had started the whole ordeal, angry with her parents for being selfish bastards who never cared enough to take care of their own daughter..........she was angry with the world.

She began having an attack.

It was not something you would hear, it did not involve screaming or things smashing, all of it happened very quietly, so quietly that it was a while before Calum had even heard it.

Her eyes stayed locked on her reflection as she brought her hands up to the sides of her face, starting from the top of her cheeks and digging her nails into her skin, scratching all the way down.

Again and again, she repeated the same action, biting her lip to control the pain. Hot tears ran down her face and soon blood came to the surface, making it look like cat scratches as opposed to self inflicted wounds.

She just kept at it, from her face, down her neck, along her arms, just digging her uncut nails deep into her skin until she drew blood on the surface, enough to fight the war she was having with herself.

She grabbed her toothbrush and forced it into her mouth, brushing repeatedly on the gums, with the memories of what she had done with Natt flooding back to her mind. Blood began to ooze from her gums and started painting her teeth red, she kept going, clenching her eyes shut as she dug the bristles in deeper.

Eventually, she had begun to whimper, softly crying as she still believed she was alone, unaware that for the past hour or so, Calum was still waiting for her.

She threw the brush to the floor, spitting out the blood and wiping the sides of her mouth, daring to look at her reflection again before she tugged at her hair, gritting her teeth together and letting out a deep scream, as more tears ran down her face as if they were trying to escape her themselves.

Her head began to pound and it was only when she felt as if she was going to collapse that she stopped and placed her hands on either side of the sink, feeling the throbbing sensations where she scratched and now noticing the skin beginning to swell.

It was then that she had given up and began to cry.

Within the few seconds that he had heard her, he marched up to the door, banging on it and shaking the handle repeatedly.

"Shannel? Shannel are you alright?" His voice was full of worry, all the while he kept knocking, banging and trying to force the door open, she just cried louder. It felt like she was suffocating, suffocating on her own breath.

She was becoming a victim of her own mind.

Allowing the demons to consume her and endlessly haunt her with the memories of her past.

Inside she was dying.....and there was no cure.

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I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE, BECAUSE I THINK IT'S PRETTY DIFFERENT AND I CAN RELATE TO IT A LOT, I'M NOT A LOUD CRYER SO I KEEP MY SHIT TO MYSELF.

LITERALLY I JUST GATHER IT ALL UP IN A PILE, EWW LOL NO IM KIDDING. I DONT GATHER MY SHIT :/

ANYWHO THE SECOND STORY WILL COME AS SOON AS THIS ONE ENDS, MAYBE IN LIKE TEN ISH CHAPTERS TIME. BUT I'M NOT TOO SURE YET.

THANKS AGAIN GUYS ILY <3

-S