Kynedy Carter

silence...24

My head was hurting my stomach felt so off, you know that feeling when your going to throw up. I was salivating real bad.

"Dad", I yelled.

Then I was throwing up all over myself I could barely open my eyes to see what was going on. I managed to see the hospital blankets and the barf filled blankets. This was both embarrassing infuriating, what did I do?

I felt my dads embrace, it felt so warm. He pulled my hair back and I finally saw him, his face. I couldn't say anything but I did smile continued by crying.

"It's okay, Kynedy. Im here you're here. It's going to get better.", he said.

"Hello, you pressed the button.", I heard a nurses voice, "I see it, I will bring some new sheets and a new gown. Give me a sec"

I was confused how fast she realized, was it that bad?

"Alright I am back I got it all", she smiled.

How could someone be so cheery, especially after someone threw up and made a huge mess? I was just a failure now she has to clean my mess. She set her things down before putting on some gloves and some wipes.

She removed the blanket and the coldness hit me so hard, I was trying to cover myself with the dirty gown.

"I know its cold, can we do a quick change. Ill throw it over you and then you unclip the under one.", she said.

I did my best to unclip thankfully it was easier than I expected, I thought I was gonna fail at that too. After taking the dirty gown she put the heated blankets on and it felt great.

"I brought this in case you feel like throwing up again. Its a simple bowl but trust has lot of range, I know it sucks throwing up on yourself. I have been there."

"You tried to kill yourself?", I asked.

"What question was that Kynedy?", dad asked. He looked shocked.

"No, it's okay I walked right into that.  I did once when I was in my teens, I was going through a lot. However after that experience I learned better ways to handle my problems and battle, I foud those people who where there for me. If there was hope for me there is hope for you. Right now I know all the emotions feelings are changing every second, you feel bad but you are happy you are live. That is going to take a while to subside, give yourself grace during this time. I am here as your nurse and to provide support as a person even if it is only while we are here. I got a few patients in the same boat and all of you are troopers.", she said.

"Thank you", I said softly.

The emotions were htting at a different level. She wasn't wrong about that, my dad sat just in shock or amazed.

"You ok, dad", I asked.

"Kyd you nearly died and are concerned about me. Sorry not in a mean way, I am fine a bit shooken up. I was scared to lose you, you're my baby.", he said.

"I am sorry dad, I did not mean to put you through this", I responded.

"You good, I know you have been going through a tough year or months. I wish I would of known their game plan, I wish I would of protected you more and listened more to you. Now I will take more time to be with you and get you extra help.", he said.

"Thank you dad, I didn't think I would try again. I just don't know it was all too much, I was scared to go through a new hell. I was worried you wouldn't love me cause I am not your daughter or we would have a court battle. I wish I hadn't done it."

"I'll let you know there is no court battle, and there won't be one. I am going to guarantee you that, I will make sure there isn't. You are my daughter through and through, blood or not I raised you... However I am not going to lie that we didn't do a paternity test when you were first born. It was your moms suggestion and her proof of loyalty to me, I was never going to request it. I knew you were mine but I went along I was trying to save our relationship."