It's Been A Long, Long Time ; Bucky Barnes

Chapter Twenty One

2016 - The Sokovia Accords

One month.

It had been one whole month without any contact. Not a text message sent, not a phone rung, complete isolation from me. I hoped he missed me, I hoped more than anything he was on his way back to me, to his best friend, to his new found family. But I wasn't naive. I knew he wasn't coming back until he truly felt Steve had cooled down, and until he knew he wouldn't hurt me anymore. No matter how many times I'd tell him it wasn't him who hurt me.

I'd spent a lot of my time training with Steve, distracting myself from the pains and aches of missing Bucky. Replacing that pain with physical pain seemed like the best plan, the only way to keep James out of my mind. It worked, for the most part... Nights were hard, they were cold, and sad, as well as angry. I'd read books until past midnight, trying anything to tear his voice from my head. I'd watch an almost insufferable amount of "Criminal Minds" until I was tired enough to fall asleep (Normally at three in the morning).

Not once had I used my powers, not even to telekinetically grab a Dr. Pepper from the fridge. Not even to shove Steve to the ground when he'd hit me a little too hard during training.

For the past month, I'd wake up, three hours after I fell asleep. I'd shower, I'd eat a small breakfast, and by dawn, I was training with Steve, only to shower again afterward. It was a vicious cycle, and the sleep schedule I'd created was draining me almost completely. Nobody noticed the sadness, nobody noticed the exhaustion, nor did they notice the borderline burn out I was creating for myself. I'd hidden every emotion behind my "happy" eyes. The only person almost catching on being Natasha. I swear she'd spot a needle in a haystack.

Natasha and Steve finally went on their date a couple weeks ago. It must've been odd though, to live with the person you're dating, even before your first date. They reminded me of Cece and Schmidt from "New Girl," the show I'd been binge watching with Sam.

Anyways, the date must have gone well, considering they were both beaming when they got back. I was the only one in the living room as they stepped through the threshold, laughing with each other. The armchair I sat in had grown stiff, as well as my ass. I'd been reading a book for the several hours they'd been gone.

Steve gave me a nod and went to bed as Natasha sat down on the couch near my chair. She leaned forward, arms sprawled across the backside of the sofa, legs crossed. Her smile faded into a look of nothing. It was impossible to get a read on her, she did that on purpose.

I peeked over my book to see her expression and sighed, shutting the cover, "What?" She wasn't too dressed up for her date with my brother. A pair of black jeans to spare her from the nip of the cool almost summer night. Spring was coming to a close and I was kind of upset. The season had given several thunderstorms, which also found a way to drown out my thoughts of Bucky, "Spit it out Natalia." A hint of a Russian accent rolled off my tongue. Her blank face formed confusion. "Sorry, I'm tired and impatient."

"Why don't you go look for him?" Natasha said, completely forgetting the fact that I just said her old name, "Maybe just fly over Europe. We both know he's there."

I looked at her curled hair. I wanted to change the subject, I hated the way she was looking at me. I managed to breathe, "How was the date?" She rolled her eyes, ultimately though, she figured she shouldn't push it. The real reason I didn't even want to try to find him was because of Steve. I knew my brother wasn't ready to face that, I knew he couldn't handle it.

She huffed out a sigh and smiled, finally, "It was actually really good."

"Good."

She took the hint, wishing me a good night and heading to her room. She walked up the stairs and disappeared.