REDAMANCY [h.s. au]

12

*brief mention of SA
*brief description of drug use

"There is something so beautiful about
reaching out to the monstrous with the intent
to touch it gently. To risk the sharp teeth and
the lethal claws, to defy fear and revulsion,
and choose to be delicate with something that
can be, and often is, incredibly brutal."
- theskeletonprior on tumblr

⭑Harry⭑

Sipping on red wine, I politely nod my head as I listen to Gracie recount stories from university. She has this deep voice and booming laugh, telling me about the time her best friend got kicked out of a pub for how terrible her drunk karaoke was.

After a nice dinner at some stuffy Italian place that I let her pick, I planned on driving her back to her Chelsea flat and then going home, but she invited me in for one more glass of wine and I couldn't resist that.

So now I'm sitting on a leather couch that isn't the most comfortable, it's definitely more for looks than function in her overly modern looking flat. And I think I'm enjoying myself.

It's odd. I've been on dates before, but I never gave any of them a proper chance. I went through the motions, knowing that it would never progress further than a single date. I'd go into it convinced that it was destined to be just another fleeting encounter without potential-closed off and unwavering.

Tonight, for the first time in years, I'm contemplating a second date. Considering a second date-that's progress for me.

I think I've realized that no one can replace Holland and I need to stop trying to find her in everyone I meet.

She'll always be the most special person to me. No one will capture me the way she did. And that's okay.

She's a part of my past, not my future, however much it pains me to admit.

I still feel a tender hollowness in my chest, it's only been two weeks since I decided it was time to really move on-or attempt to, at least.

And here I am attempting to move on.

Gracie is curled up on the opposite side of the couch from me, drinking white wine. "I'm sorry I'm going on and on," she laughs, "I get lost sometimes when I'm telling stories." One thing about her is that she can talk. Which is fine because it allows me to just sit back and nod, comment here or there. I don't mind it.

"No, no, it's fine," I assure her.

A goofy, tipsy smile infiltrates her face. "Tonight has been really nice, Harry," she remarks, finishing her wine and setting it on the round coffee table.

"It has been. Thank you," I tell her earnestly.

"You're a really great guy. It's really...refreshing," she comments. "Guys nowadays are so......" She keeps talking but my mind is jolted elsewhere when I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Her voice is just background noise now.

Buzz.

My first thought is that its my sister calling about Ivy. She's watching her for me right now, having a sleepover at her flat for the night.