REDAMANCY [h.s. au]

26

"Your name is humming inside my chest.
I think this is what it means to love.
I think this is what it means to be living."
- Emma Bleker

⭑Harry⭑

The soft, rhythmic breathing of Holland has me lazily smiling to myself until I see a sliver of pale morning light slipping past the curtains and hear the pitter patter of Ivy approaching my room.

At first, I think nothing of it. Feels domestic and normal, maybe because a life where this is the usual is something I've daydreamed about much more than I care to admit.

It isn't until I open my eyes, dim with the warmth of sleep, and Ivy is standing in front of me, that I realize what's happening.

"Daddy?" Ivy asks, holding her stuffed bunny and peering over at the sleeping body next to mine.

"Ivy!" I say, sitting straight up. "Hi, love. What—what're you doing in here?"

It's a stupid question. I don't know why I ask her that. Like clockwork, every morning she slips out of her bed and comes into my room, either to come lay while she lets me shake the sleepiness off or to pull me out of bed and into the kitchen to get her breakfast. I guess I just don't know what else to say.

"I wanna lay," she mumbles, her bunny close to her face and muffling her little voice.

I look over at Holland, nudge her a bit to wake her up. She groans groggily, shifting under the white sheets.

"Uhm...." I say, still not sure what to say.

Let me be clear, Ivy knowing that Holland and I are together is inevitable. I was actually rather excited to tell her, explain that to her because that would mean that Holland and I are officially together. I'm not trying to hide anything at all from my daughter, I was just trying to give all of us some time to adjust to the newness—to be official with Holland before I tell Ivy so I can freely call her my girlfriend.

This isn't how I wanted all of that to go down.

Might as well embrace it now, right?

"Why is Holland here?" She points over to her.

Holland, half awake, turns to see Ivy standing there. A look of terror and humor flashes on her face. Her eyes wide and round as the moon, her shoulders tense, and her hands wringing in her lap.

"Holland is here because," I sort through my brain trying to find the best way to word it, "well, remember when I said that she would be hanging around more often?"

Confusion contorts Ivy's little face. She nods, blue eyes darting between us.

Beside me, Holland absentmindedly picks at her cuticles, gnawing on her lip, awaiting whatever I'm about to say.

"So Holland will be around more often because, uh, we're together," I say, rubbing my hand over Hollands to stop the nervous picking. I keep it there, loosely holding it and I feel her gentle fingers press into my skin. "She's my...girlfriend," I add, trying to make it clear to Ivy what I'm trying to say.

Hollands body freezes at that word. I can't quite tell if it's a good or bad reaction with my eyes still fixated on my daughter standing there trying to comprehend what's going on.

"Girlfriend?" Ivy asks, squinted eyes.

"Yeah. I care about Holland a lot so...she's my girlfriend. And I guess that makes me her boyfriend..." I say, in disbelief at the words.

Ivy looks over at Holland. "You said you didn't have a boyfriend when you babysat me."

"Well, at that time, I didn't. But, I guess I do now?" Holland says, almost like a question to me. Both of us just trying to wade in these uncharted waters as best we can.