REDAMANCY [h.s. au]

37

"I'm quite choked up with my tenderness for you,
it makes me a bit pathetic to love you so much."
- Simone de Beauvoir

⭑Harry⭑

~two months later~

Even though the air has grown chillier, crisper, as autumn rolls in full force, I wipe my slick forehead with the back of my hand and huff as I look at the last of the boxes that I'm hauling into a big truck.

My flat is empty. It's devoid of everything that made it feel so warm. No kitchen table where I shared meals with Ivy and Holland, no sofa where I fell asleep watching Disney movies, no bed where Holland and I slept. I peek into all the rooms—recalling everything that happened here. How I started out living here without Holland in my life and now, I'm leaving this place to go live with her.

We both felt like it was just the right next step for us. And, in a smarter financial decision, since Hollands flat is purchased and not rented—her mum bought it back in the early 2000s—and it's bigger, we came to the conclusion to have Ivy and I move into her place.

I know it means a lot to Holland as well, staying in the home that she shared with her mum for so long. There's so much ingrained into that place. So much love imbedded into its walls. So many memories there. And I feel honored that she's welcoming Ivy and I into it.

There's a part of me that is sad to be leaving, but that is eclipsed almost completely by the excitement and happiness I feel that Holland and I will be under the same roof.

With the final boxes of random knickknacks stuffed into the overfilled truck now, my eyes glaze over with nostalgia—but just for a minute. I don't get too stuck on it. What lies before me is better than anything here.

A life with her.

As I hop into the truck and get behind the wheel, the engine purring loudly, I give it once last look, an acknowledgment of goodbye. And then I'm driving down the bustling roads in a car too big to maneuver, on my way to where Holland and Ivy are waiting for me.

Driving with the radio playing softly in the background, my hands and legs feel restless and jittery—so ready for the future. For so long I thought my future consisted only of me and Ivy. Never did I think I'd get the second chance with the love of my life. But I did and I'll never understand why or how, except maybe, it was fate. I still don't know if I fully believe in fate, but if anything, our rekindling was the universe putting two halves back together, right where we belong.

I'm so ready to be engaged to her, to marry her, to have kids with her. To just do everything in life with her.

That first part—the engaged part—will most definitely be happening soon. I went and looked at rings the other week with my mum and sister, trying to get a feel for what she'd want. I haven't purchased anything yet, but it's only a matter of time before that happens. And god knows I won't be able to sit there, the ring burning a metaphorical hole in my pocket, so I imagine once the ring is purchased and I have it in my hands, it won't be long before it's perched on that pretty finger of hers.

Lost in my little reverie, I approach Hollands place—our place—quickly. I park the moving truck right in front and dash out of the car, wanting to be with my girls for a minute before I start unpacking the plethora of boxes that'll surely take up the majority of time for the next few days.