The Royal Heir - Dancing with my eyes closed

Guilt

The next day, I get up super early, before it gets light. I head down to the gym, and I feel sooo much better for it afterwards. I take the corgis for a long walk around the estate, breathing in some fresh air all the way. We take a break at Jen's resting place, it's peaceful there today. I definitely need to get myself some sort of bench here, so I can come and sit and talk to her whenever I need to.

When I get back to the house, I head upstairs, and I take a decisive left at the top of the stairs instead of the usual right towards my bedroom and study. As I head down the corridor, I hear a low-level bustle, and I continue in its direction. Towards the end of the corridor, a young woman with long blonde hair steps out of a door just in front of me. She's wearing a black tunic and trousers, and looks a little startled when she sees me.

"Oh, Your Grace.." She goes to curtsey.

I wink at her. "No need for all that jazz. I'm looking for Verity?"

"That's me." She's got a pretty smile. "Have you come to... ah..."

"See Bella, yeah."

Verity smiles even wider. "Bella. That actually really suits her. Well, Bella's sleeping at the moment, but I would think she'll be waking up soon. Were you thinking of..." She looks unsure. She obviously knows the score. She probably doesn't want to overstep or say the wrong thing.

I shrug. "I'm not sure what I'm thinking of, Verity. I just..." I look beyond her into the room they're using as a nursery. It's not the one that Jen and I did up, that one's right next to our bedroom. I guess Verity and her team didn't think that was the right location to set up shop. "I just thought I'd see how it goes."

"That's great," Verity says. "I was just going to make myself a coffee, actually. Can I get you anything?"

"I'll join you," I decide. "White, no sugar, about three cookies?"

Verity giggles. "I'm afraid I don't have cookies up here."

"You do now," I decide, grabbing my phone and belling Christopher. "Hey Chris. We have a situation up here, and we need cookies, stat."

"Up here?" he responds. "As in..."

"I'm up with Verity," I confirm. "And she's got coffee. But no cookies. What sort of a setup is that?"

"I'll have some sent up immediately, Your Grace," Christopher says. I can hear his smile.

"Awesome." I hang up. By now, Verity's disappeared into one of the other rooms, I'm guessing she's living and sleeping in there, so I don't follow her. Instead, I head into the room she came out of.

It's a nice big sunny room, not unlike the room we chose to use as a nursery in the opposite wing. We got sent all sorts when the world found out we were expecting Bella, and there must have been enough stuff left over after we'd had our pick to set up three or four other nurseries. There's bouncy chairs, playmats, a changing table, all sorts set up in here. And right in the middle of it all, a crib with a little sleeping babba in it.

There's a few chairs placed close to the crib, and I sit down in one, and peer through the bars.

That's my daughter.

Here's the thing. Before I met Jen, even when Jen and I were first together, I never wanted kids. I knew I wasn't cut out for it. Not responsible enough. I had a feeling I'd screw being a dad up in a big way. Maybe it was a premonition. I only wish I'd stuck to my guns now. But I digress.

Jen wanted to be a mom so badly. And over a period of time, the idea started to grow on me. I liked the idea that the love we shared could bring another life into the world. And, okay, there was a big part of me that just wanted to make my girl happy. And I knew seeing my girl happy would make me happy too. And she was so, so happy when I told her on our honeymoon that operation Maxwell Junior was go.