The Royal Heir - Dancing with my eyes closed

Closer to home

So it's my thirtieth birthday today. I know, right? Somehow I made it through three freaking decades without a lifeline. So yeah, happy birthday to me. Well, as happy as it can be after the recent changes in my life.

I know what you're thinking. Am I throwing myself a party? No. For two reasons.

Firstly, the last couple of weeks have had a very ominous vibe about them. Since my return from LA, there's been a lot less about me in the press (every cloud!) and a lot more about this coronavirus thing that's going to wipe the world out if we don't take some serious precautions. Italy's already locked down, they're all stuck in their homes over there, not allowed to see their families and friends. I know Rick's been having a lot of meetings about how it could affect Cordonia. We're being advised not to hold large social gatherings just while they decide what to do about it. It's kind of put a damper on everyone's mood.

Now you know I love a party, and ordinarily I wouldn't have let the threat of global pandemic spoil my fun, but this year is far from ordinary, for the wrong reasons. Last year's birthday was, one word, extraordinary. Jen and I were in New York with our friends. We did an amazing escape room, followed by amazing food, amazing club, amazing dancing, amazing sex (okay, that was just me and Jen for that last bit). It was back when we were trying for Bella. We actually think she was conceived around about then; we were going at it so much though that we'll never be sure exactly when that magic moment happened.

And I know this year's a milestone birthday, so I should want to celebrate it. But I don't feel like celebrating without my favourite person by my side. So, today's just an ordinary day.

Anyway, I've had some cards and gifts come through the post. Christopher's put the cards up in the drawing room, and made a little pile of presents, but I'm not planning on investigating them today. I hope people don't think I'm being super ungrateful. I think most people who know me get it.

I've had messages too, of course. From Bertrand, from Drake and Hana who are in Cordonia today, even one from Rick which is good of him given his super busy schedule. They all knew I didn't want to make a big thing of today. I kind of thought I might get a few more messages. But that's okay. There's posts on social media highlighting the occasion; I should probably wade through the comments to pick out the congratulations, but I think it's best to stay away from the toxic trolls.

Not that I haven't marked the day at all. Me and Bella have had some fun. We've eaten a lot, well I have anyway; Christopher unveiled an impressive birthday cake at lunchtime. Soon, Bella, soon you will get to join in! Ooh, I'm already seeing the cake smash first birthday pictures!

Afterwards we went on a walk through the grounds to Jen's place. Now that the spring has really arrived, it feels different there. It's like there's hope in the breeze. And I'm not sure, because we were away for a few months this time last year, but I think the trees here are about to blossom. And if they don't, I'm going to buy some trees that blossom, and get them planted here. A fitting tribute to my little blossom.

In a matter of days, it'll be two years since my life changed forever when we walked into that dive bar. Knowing how it all ended, I'd still have walked into it. Something I've learned over the last few months is that grief is the price you pay for love. What Jen and I had was the real thing. We loved each other so madly, so deeply, and now she's gone, I'll never be who I was before she came into my life. But, that's okay. That's all part of my journey. Which is continuing without her, although at least I have Bella to share it with.

When we get back to the manor, it's late afternoon. I'm met by an anxious looking Christopher. Uh oh. The last time this happened, I was about to be ambushed by Anna and proclaimed as her babydaddy. If one good thing has come out of the last few weeks, it's that she's gone very quiet now that she's one of Cordonia's richest women. I just hope she's looking after herself and that little dot inside her.