The Royal Heir - Dancing with my eyes closed

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This chapter is NSFW and includes strong language. 

Also contains an adorable art scene by IGs artby.alz!

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After my phone call with Bertrand in the gym, I get showered and dressed, and head down to find Tommy. Bella and I were having a Sunday lunch, and Tommy had opted for that too, so I manage to speak to him pretty quickly about the whole going-back-to-Ramsford-to-train-Belinda-up thing. He seems a bit disappointed, to be honest. I guess he's enjoying his work here, and he did mention he and Belinda weren't exactly best buds.

But, he's happy to go; says it will give him the chance to see his dad, and he goes and packs his things up straight after lunch and then me and Bella wave him off as his little car disappears down the long, long Valtoria driveway.

We never got to have that talk. And now, twenty four hours since the last time, I'm back down in the wine cellar. But there's no wine guy with me. I've only got a bottle of wine and my own thoughts for company tonight. And they're not great company, to be honest. But, I think some honest soul searching is long overdue.

What happened last night was both life-affirmingly amazing, and totally terrifying at the same time.

It was terrifying because I feel like I've failed Jen. By giving into temptation last night, it feels like I've let her down in an even bigger way than I ever did by doing any of the other stupid things I did, on the night she died and in the months afterwards.

But I have to stop lying to myself about the way I feel. I can't keep pretending I'm not falling for Tommy. I can't pretend that I'm not moonwalking on air when I think about what happened last night. I can't pretend that the last four weeks haven't been the best four weeks of my life since I lost Jen, and he's the reason for that.

I'm just so conflicted, so confused. I want to be around him as much as I possibly can. I think about him all the time when he's not with me. I want to kiss him again. I want to do way more than kiss him. And I get the feeling he's more into me than he'll admit. But...

...I don't want to hurt him. Because I don't know if I can ever love anyone else. And it's not because I don't have room in my heart. I'm beginning to realise that my heart might stretch to accommodate him. I'm just terrified that I'll lose him. I can't go through that again.

Oh, man. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. I mean, there is someone, and we do need to talk about it. But, he's not here. And I don't like it.

I look back at our exchange of texts from earlier today.

MADE IT BACK TO RAMSFORD. DAD'S NOT EXACTLY THRILLED TO SEE ME.

AW, HAS HE NOT GOT YOU ANYTHING FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? *emojis*

NO. BUT THAT'S NOTHING NEW. ANYWAY, KNACKERED AFTER THE DRIVE SO GOING TO TURN IN EARLY TONIGHT. Z-BOX TOMORROW?

AW, IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES! YOU BETCHA *emojis*

So, I can't exactly call him tonight. I might be able to broach the subject after our gaming tomorrow, I guess?

I lean back, sitting on the bench where it all happened last night. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his cologne and taste the wine that lingered on our tongues as they mingled...

It was just a kiss, yeah.

Just one of the best kisses of my life.

I let my imagination take me where my stupid self wouldn't last night, and we don't stop kissing. We carry on and soon our hands are wandering and our clothes are being discarded and it's bliss, it's absolute bliss.