Metanoia (Shubman gill×Ishan kishan)

Chapter 5

Ishan's POV,

I have been sitting here for a long time,trying to concentrate on the book I was reading,well I wanted to read,actually.But my mind is going back to yesterday's lunch.

I upset him yesterday.He was trying to start a conversation but I was putting a stop to it every time.And on top of that,I snapped at him without any reason.I didn't even get a chance to say my goodbye,as he was gone for a good half and hours and dad had important work. The work being the annual fundraiser gala organised by our family on new year's eve.

I know I really pissed him off.Yesterday was the second time I did it,the first time was in my office.I didn't want to though.He just made me nervous.

He is so tall,a good few inches taller than me,but his muscular built and my slender frame,makes me look like a dwarf infront of him.The moment I heard his voice outside my office door,asking permission to enter my room,it made me quiver on my spot.His voice was deep,low pitched,contrasting to my soft,barely audible one.

His voice alone made me so nervous that I had to fake a call.The moment he stepped into my room,I could feel his strong,dominating presence.I turned around and, fuck,those piercing black eyes,chiseled jaw,black tousled hair.He was standing infront of me in all his glory.

Confident.Handsome.Bold.Shubman Gill is a piece of art.

Shubman had a strong presence.He's a smart businessman and a hardworking one too,but that day,he lacked concentration,zoning out quite a few times.I even called him out about this once.

Nevertheless,he was smiling the whole time,sometimes the signature smug face and sometimes the smirk.But he was being smiley and friendly,until,I had to open my mouth and mess it up.

The moment I called him out about his situation down there,which was actually very unprofessional considering we were in the middle of a personal meeting,his whole demeanor changed.Gone was the smiley and smug charmer.

My eyes immediately widened upon watching him furrow his brows,a crease forming on his forehead.His jaw tightened and the smile on his lips transformed into a thin line.He was angry.I made him angry.

Fuck

But when he seethed through his teeth,I lost it.He was looking at me with piercing eyes,his nostrils flaring.Immediately the memories came rushing back to me like the second wave of tsunami.

No....

Useless
Pathetic

No....

And just like that,my whole body started shaking.I had a panic attack infront of Shubman Gill.

I don't know what happened,but the next thing I knew,Ryle was about to touch my hand,and I screamed and started trashing around,out of instinct.

Ryle has been my CPO for the past 5 years.He has seen several panic attacks like this,I'm sure he panicked that moment too,and forgot about the "no touching"policy,because Shubman,an outsider was there who was seeing me vulnerable,inside my own office building.

Somehow dad got to know,maybe someone called him,and he was there for me.He sat beside me.I don't like when anyone touches me during my attacks,it gives me icks.The memories keep repeating in my head,and it disgusts me when someone touches me at that time.

If it wasn't embarrassing enough to let Shubman see me having a full blown panic attack,dad really planned a lunch date with his dad and him.

It was embarrassing to face him after the incident.I didn't know what to do.I kept it professional as much as I could.I was already afraid that what if he asked me about my attacks?what if he got to know about my past?what if I anger him once again?what if....

But he was nothing like that yesterday.Although I know I pissed him very much,still he controlled himself.I'm thankful to him for that,because I really wouldn't have loved to be involved in a public humiliation.

I'm not going to lie,Shubman is attractive,very attractive.I have seen him on magazines and news enough times to know how he looks.But,he looks better in person,definitely. He smells rich and sophisticated.I might have a tiny crush on him too.But,I really don't think about it because there is no future.

He looked good,so good that day,at my officee,wearing a three piece blue suit with a white shirt underneath.

I wanted nothing but him,to bend me over the table and fuck me senseless.To fling me into the glass wall,hold my neck and pound into me mercilessly.I wanted him bad,so bad.I have been having wet dreams about him too,which forces me to wake up all sweaty and hot.

His hands were big,bigger than mine,and rough.He had a strong grip.They would look good around my neck.And his voice,oh god,having a voice like this should be sin.So deep,so husky,like it's commanding me to follow every order like a good boy.

I would be a good boy for him.His good boy.

But I know,it's just my fantasy.A man like him would never be interested in a person like me.He must have all the pretty girls and boys throwing themselves at him.Why would he like me?I'm not even half as pretty as others are.

Everybody wants him.He would never look at me.

I sighed after writing down the whole thing on my journal and closing it.My therapist said it's good to keep my emotions in check.Truth is that,I have been writing down my emotions for so long that,writing a journal everyday has become a habit of mine.

"What should I do?should I say sorry?",I asked,looking at the aquarium.I have 3 fishes,they don't have any name,but I talk to them everyday.

I have thought about it the whole night yesterday.I have been feeling guilty for making him upset.I should apologise,otherwise I'm gonna look like a meanie,which I'm not.

I took a deep breath and opened my laptop to type an email.

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Acha Ishan,toh ye saara time tu ye sab soch raha tha??achaaaa.🗿