Metanoia (Shubman gill×Ishan kishan)

Chapter 32

Ishan's POV

As I stare at the pasty white ceiling and hear the machines beeping, my eyes burn from the sense of relief that washes over me. Relief,that's the first feeling I have.

I'm alive.

"Ishu?" the second feeling comes rushing through with the shaky voice of mom.Her waves of sadness collide with mine,and my breathing picks up.

"Son,you're with us",a long exhale "you came back",dad mutters,standing by the foot of the bed.My ever so charming dad looks like he aged ten years in one night.

"Bhaiya...", to my left is standing Harper.Her bloodshot eyes filled with sorrow.

Millions of emotion rush through me like a tsunami.I caused my family the misery. Oh god,What have I done?

"Sweetie..",mom squeezes my right hand. "I'm sorry...I should have been there for you..I'm so so sorry,Ishu I-"

"Mom....",my eyes meet her broken,wet ones and it feels like someone is choking me. What the fuck have I done? "It's not your fault,mom.You have been there,you always have been there for me,since the very very beginning.You're my mom.And...don't blame yourself please,mom",my voice comes out barely above a whisper,breaking out into fits of cough between each word.

"Here", Harper places a glass of water infront of my lips,and I take small sips with the help of the straw.

As doctors and nurses come by to check on me a few times and ask me questions,my foggy state of mind starts to clear up.The pressure on my neck feels heavy now,and my wrist feels like stone.

With the clear state of mind,the memories of last night comes rushing through.I regretted everything.I regretted jamming the piece of glass against my wrist and neck the moment I saw shubman's pleading eyes on me,and him repeatedly begging me not to leave him. The pressure on my neck and wrist became too much.

I regretted breaking him down.I regretted snatching the possible future we could have from him.I regretted that he even wanted me.I regretted that I broke my family.I regretted me. I regretted every single thing.

As the nurse leaves the room after checking my vitals,I look behind her,searching for the presence I need the most right now.But I don't see him.

You expect him to stay when you showed him how much of pathetic looser you are?

The sound of the door opening have hope blossoming in my chest in the speed of wild fire,but it got crushed in pieces.

My disappointment is short lived when my eyes clash with the hard,green ones that he inherited from mom.I gulp,humiliation swallowing me whole.I wanted to ask my parents about Dom,but I didn't. Because I couldn't meet his eyes. Because I broke my promise.

"You will not do such things ever again.You'll never ever leave me alone.Promise me,bhaiya.", 14 years old Dominic whispered between his sniffles and occasional sobs,clutching me like an octopus. He was careful,not to hurt my left wrist,the wrist that I slit.

"I promise,little bro" and I let him cry on my shoulders till he passed out. That was the last time I ever saw my little brother cry. For 5 long years he has been strong for me.He didn't cry once,not when he was put behind the bars for beating a guy to near dead for misbehaving with me,or when he had to take a gap year for this.Dominic has always been strong for me.And I failed him.

"Let's give them some privacy,honey.Others are also waiting to meet him",dad patted Dom's shoulder on his way out,Harper and mom after him.

"Dom?",I broke the uncomfortable silence between us,although my eyes never meet his.Still no answer from him. So,I try again. "Dom..?"my voice caught in my throat when he waltzes towards me and breaks down,holding my right hand in a dead grip.