Sway(Wattys 2015)

Talk it out

"Do you like me?" I repeat again

"I don't want to talk about this" he replies

"You mean feelings.... well this is a well needed conversation, so suck it up" I correct fighting back the smile that was beginning to form.

He takes a few seconds before answering and I use the handful of seconds to prepare myself for his answer.

"Uh...i don't know how to answer that...yeah I guess " he answers whilst shrugging his shoulders.

"You don't seem to sure about that" I reply

"Do you like me?"

"Most of the time"

"Most of the time?" He repeats my question

"Yes most of the time, when you're not being a jackass"

"Well that's just....me" he replies

"That's your excuse? That's just me"

He shrugged his shoulders in response

"I want proper answers Ivan otherwise you can leave"

"Alright Rogue, take it easy. I think you're forgetting that this is all new to me is well"

"I know that, it's just that things between us aren't going how I expected" I confess

"And how did you think things were going to go?"

"I don't know, when I see Colt and Nicole together they're happy.....they don't fight all the time" I reply

"Well first of all we aren't Colt and Nicole, they haven't had to deal with the same issues that we have, comparing us to others isn't a healthy thing. We won't ever be like Colt and Nicole" he states

"I guess that's true" I say in response, the conversation had started to die down before Ivan's voice filled the room.

"Look I'm sorry for what i said in the car alright, even though you are all those things, they don't bother me that much. You said things so I said them back, it was all in the moment"

"It still hurt" I snap back

"You think that it doesn't hurt me when you say those things?.... Do you think that I like my mate telling me she thinks I'm a bully and arrogant? Because I don't, I may not show my feelings as much as you but it still bothers me... Do you really blame me for our issues?" He questions

I readjust myself in my seat before answering.

"No, I don't blame you. That wouldn't be right, but you do play a huge part in them, sometimes I'm the the main instigator but so are you. I feel like you try to pick fights with me"

Ivan takes a long moment to respond this time

"Sometimes I pick a fight with you because then I have a reason to talk to you" he confesses

I wasn't expecting that answer nor was I expecting the strange emotions to hit me. A part of me was feeling giddy and excited but the other half was feeling sad and upset. Am I really that bad?

"But why? I've never made you feel like you can't talk to me....have i?" I question leaning forward over the table.

"No, it's just that sometimes I don't know what to say to you. For a long time I've lived a very private life, I keep my friends close and my enemies closer.... I've not had company in a long time, being alone and independent has played a huge part in my life so having to care for another person isn't normal to me"

His head was angled away from my direction, it was obvious that this wasn't a topic that he was comfortable talking about, I've never seen ivan so vulnerable since they day I met him and to be completely honest I'm actually enjoying it, at least now I feel like I can talk to him properly and hopefully get some answers.