Stolitz Oneshots

1: The way I feel inside

A/N: Some angst, yelling, swearing, but there's some love too. None of these chapters are tied together, these are oneshots, so I'm just writing some random stuff I thought would be alright to write. 

3rd person's POV:

As Blitzo held the Asmodeus crystal in his hands in a nicely decorated box, Stolas was hugging his grimoire to his chest in his iconic red robe. 

"So you're saying with this rock I can use it go to Earth?" Blitzo asked not looking at Stolas. 

"Yes, and I will keep my grimoire." Stolas said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Why are you giving me this? Why don't you want us using your book anymore?" Blitzo asked looking Stolas in the eyes.

"So you may have the choice to see me. You have the choice for us to be in each others lives. I'm not going to force you any longer." Stolas said putting his spell book with the rest of his books in his bookcase. 

Blitzo closed the lid to the box containing the crystal and thought for a moment.

"So, we're not doing the meetings anymore? You are willingly giving me this rock... with no strings attached?" Blitzo asked. 

"Yes." Stolas replied.

"Are you pushing me... out of your life like everyone has and will?" Blitzo asked with a hint of fear in his voice. 

"What? No, I-" Stolas started.

"You're giving me this rock so I can stay out of your life?" Blitzo asked stowing away the crystal in his pocket. 

"Trust me, I don't want you out of my life. I just don't want you thinking that I think of you as just a plaything any longer." Stolas explained.

"Really? You sure you're not just tired of me fucking you?" Blitzo asked with a tone of annoyance. 

"Of course not." Stolas retorted,

"Bullshit! You just wanted to feel the pleasure of a lower class rawdog you into your mattress. And now, you've lost interest. Fuck, how did you even get a hold of one of these anyways?" Blitzo said in a louder tone.

"Asmodeus gave it to me. And I swear I'm not getting tired of you. Quite the opposite really. I want you to have this freedom. If I didn't care about you I probably wouldn't have given you this opportunity." Stolas said in a louder tone on the verge of tears.

"If you care about me so much why haven't you fucking told me before? Or done anything to show it?!?" Blitzo yelled. 

"I didn't know how. And even then it wasn't enough because I didn't try hard enough. I thought that if I gave you this crystal and gave you this freedom, you could see that I'm not trying to push you away or force you stay with me at all. I DO care about you Blitz, more thank you think." Stolas's eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Then why don't you tell me how much you fucking care about me right the fuck now?!" Blitzo yelled tempted to run out of the palace right now. 

" I care about you so much because I FUCKING love you damnit!" Stolas yelled.

The bedroom was silent for what seemed like forever. The silence was deafening for the both of them.

"W-what?" Blitzo stuttered after about a minute. 

"I said I love you Blitz..." Stolas said with a few tears down his face because he refused to blink. 

"You can't love me." Blitzo said quietly as he clenched his fists.

"What? Why not?" Stolas asked. Blitzo blinked tightly and inhaled deeply.

"You can't afford to love me." Blitzo said and let some tears race down his face.

"What do you mean I can't afford to love you?" Stolas asked gently as he knelt down to him.

"Everyone eventually is going to hate me and move on anyway. I can't let anyone make the mistake of loving me and getting hurt because of it." Blitzo said with his head hung low.

"Oh, Blitz..." Stolas said gently.

"Besides, I'm a handful." Blitzo said. Stolas brought his face up and looked at him with teary eyes.

"Well... good thing I have two hands." Stolas said and cupped his face while wiping his tears with his thumb. 

"How do you know you love me? You've never even loved your wife or anyone else that I know  of. You love your daughter but that's a different kind of love all on it's own. How would you even know the first thing about falling in love?" Blitzo asked softening his gaze.

"I have been in love once before. Still am. Only once and it was only with one person Blitz. You."

Love. That damned word again. It made Blitzo close his eyes. 

"Blitz," Stolas started. He held both of Blitzo's hands. 

"I feel safe with you, I trust you, I love listening to you, talking to you. I love listening to your hobbies, your passions, the things you love, like coffee, heavy metal music, swearing, lots of murder, horses of course. And I listen to the things you dislike as well, like being told what to do, you like being in charge and the boss, trust me I know. You hate it when people say the "o" in your name, the circus." Stolas said, and Blitzo listened.
"I don't just love your body, I love who you are. You're very sarcastic, brave, strong, witty, and you're very funny. You tell very humorous jokes. Your spirit, how well you fight, the way you talk. You can be extremely confident but also sweet and tenderhearted at times." Stolas continued. 
"I don't just love the way you look, but who you are, the way you are Blitz." He finished. 

"You know so much... yet you don't know shit." Blitzo said. "You don't understand. You can't understand. You just won't." 

Stolas noticed Blitzo's sadness and the lack of faith. And it hurt. 

"Then help me understand." Stolas said and squeezed his hands.

"It's not that simple." Blitzo said sadly. 

"Then let me help." Stolas said. Blitzo blinked and let a tear fall before making a swift movement and wrapping his arms around Stolas, his hands locking in place, and tightly hugging him with his face in his chest as he cried silently and gently. 

"Okay Stolas." Blitzo said. Stolas held Blitzo close to him and let some tears roll down his face. 

"I love, you... Blitz." Stolas said. Blitzo pulled away from the hug and looked deep into Stolas's eyes before kissing him passionately with his hands cupping Stolas's face. 

Stolas's pupils turned into little white hearts as his eyes widened before he slung his arms around Blitzo's neck. 

If Blitzo was trying to say "I love you" in one motion,

This was definitely it. 

Stolas wanted to explore every emotion, and everything Blitzo came with. 
His anger, sadness, happiness, his pain, his past, his trauma... all of it.
He didn't just love the way Blitzo was.

He loves him.
And love is a very hard emotion for both Blitzo and Stolas to talk about or even understand and feel.

But this was the way they felt inside. 

(A/N: Holy crap! That was a lot of words. Thx for reading and if you didn't like it... I'm sorry, I don't expect everyone to like what I do or me, but if you didn't like it you can leave :)
But if you did like it thanks for reading! :D)