No More Tomorrows

Chapter 23: Parking Garages and Profanities

Six weeks was too long to go without seeing her. We'd never gone more than five days in the last seven years and now we had spent over a month apart. I didn't even know where she was living. I hated it. She was just as beautiful as I remembered but looking at her it looked like she'd definitely lost some weight and there was a sadness about her that wasn't there before I caused this mess. 

By the look on her face I knew she was probably thinking about me. She looked tired and I hated that she was working double shifts that brought her into this large parking structure alone so late at night. Anyone could hurt her. I didn't want to scare her if she looked up and saw a man standing next to her car so decided it was time I mad my presence known. 

"Hello Emily."

The way she jerked when I spoke made me feel bad. She'd obviously been so lost in her head she hadn't even noticed a man in her vicinity. That wasn't safe for her. She didn't respond to my greeting. Instead, halting her steps and staring at me. Taking me in from head to toe. I felt unsettled on the inside. Was she looking me over so hard because she missed me or was she looking me over like that because she hated what she saw. I had never been unable to read Emily but in this moment I had no idea what she was thinking. 

"Long time no talk."

Her eventual greeting was a little strange but as I looked at her closer I realised she wasn't just tired, she looked exhausted. 

"Are you okay Emily?"

At my question she barked out laughter, but it definitely held no humour. 

"No Grant. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for almost a year. How about you? How's life treating you these days?"

I wasn't sure how to answer her. I didn't know this Emily. My Emily was always thrilled to see me and would have definitely given me a tight hug and kiss by now. This new Emily who was keeping her physical distance from me and speaking in a sarcastic tone wasn't someone I knew how to approach.

"You need to pay better attention when you're alone here late at night. It's unsafe for you to..."

"Don't tell me what's unsafe for me. You don't need to worry about me. I'm not your problem any more."

"I'll always worry about you." She shook her head at me and I paused. Looking at the way she gripped the handle of her bag so tightly. "I'm sorry Emily..." She cut me off before I could offer her any more apologies. 

"What are you sorry for exactly? Lying to me for over six months? Using my money to pay for lap dances and private room visits? Finger banging strippers? Having group sex with two strippers and your boss? Destroying my entire world? Which part are you sorry for?"

She'd was now hugging her arms across the front of her scrubs. Her purple unicorn scrubs that she wore to try and make the kids on the paedeatric ward smile. I could see her eyes welling with tears and she had such a tight grip on herself it was as if she was trying to stop herself from flying apart. 

"Emily... God. I'm sorry. You ask what for? I'm sorry for all of it. But most of all I'm sorry for making it so right now when you're hurting and you're hugging yourself instead of being in my arms for comfort."

She scoffed and stared down at her crocs for a moment before looking at me with eyes that held nothing but anger and pain.

"There's no way I'd want to be in your arms Grant. Every time I think of your arms I see you holding Roxy. I think of those same arms that had always been my safe space holding another woman! Then I have to remember it wasn't a one off, it was months of you and her together. Months of you touching, hugging and who knows what other shit you did! While I was sitting at home worried about us. Worried what I'd done wrong and how could I make you love me like you used to. Stupid gullible Emily. I bet you guys laughed about your ignorant girlfriends and wives didn't you!"