No More Tomorrows

Chapter 31: Promises and Pajamas

After saying goodbye to Emily and Aidan I expected Mattia to start interrogating me about my movements for the last six years. Instead he'd stepped outside the door and I could see through the small window that he was in conversation with what I assumed was one of his men. When he returned twenty minutes later he came to stand on the opposite side of the bed to where I was sitting and looked down at our daughter.

She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

"Speak English Mattia. I prefer not to speak Italian these days. Brings back too many bad memories."

He glared at me but repeated himself in English as if I hadn't understood what he'd said.

"She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

"She's the most perfect thing in my life."

"She looks just like you. You were her age when you were promised to me. She's going to grow into such a beauty just like you." He smiled at her before turning to face me. "I do not like this blonde hair you have, you will dye it back to the proper colour as soon as we can leave the hospital."

I said nothing but glared at him for that high handed statement before turning my face away from him again. Keeping my dark hair so blonde took work and I didn't want to go back to looking like Angelique. I hated everything my dark hair represented.

Looking across the bed I saw that he was now holding her small hand in his large palm. She looked so small next to him. I was used to her being almost as tall as me, she'd gotten her height from him. So many years out of his presence I'd forgotten how he'd always towered over me.

"I've missed so much of her childhood. She doesn't even know me."

Despite myself I felt a little sad for him and all he'd missed. But then I remembered that he'd signed her life away to a marriage with a man more than twice her age and any soft feelings disappeared.

"I have a baby book you can make a copy of. It shows all her milestones and birthday party photos since I left."

"You think some photos in a book will make up for the years I've lost. All the days she's missed with me? Missed with her grandfather?" I could hear in his voice that he was trying to keep his anger under control. I refused to look at him as he spoke.

"She hasn't missed anything. You rarely saw her the first five years of her life so what difference does it make. And your father ultimately wasn't interested in her as she wasn't a boy. Anyway, she thinks you're dead so she doesn't think there's any family to miss."

At my statement I saw in my peripheral vision that his body had gone completely solid. I kept my eyes on Beth but still saw that he was as still as a statue.

"She thinks I am dead!" He whispered the question with such emotion I felt myself shiver.

"Yes. It was easier and stopped her asking questions as she got older. She had one photo of you from our Wedding Day and I explained that man was her father. I told her stories about that man. How I'd loved him. As far as I'm concerned the man she was conceived with no longer exists so yes I told her you were dead. Seeing as I never planned for us to see you again it was best."

When I finished speaking I looked up at him. Some part of me wanting to see what impact my words would have. He looked both heartbroken and furious.

"How dare you! You take my daughter from me for over half her life and then I find out you also told her I'm dead. You've gone too far."

"What are you going to do? Lock me up in your house? Hurt me? Kill me? Honestly if it wasn't for the thought of you raising my daughter alone I'd kill myself rather than return with you. So do your worst. For her I can withstand anything until I find a way to run again."