I'm Meant To Hate You

32

I pushed open my bathroom door, ready to splash my face with cold water to prepare myself for the conversation I was now ready to have with Emily. I needed to be in the right frame of mind before I barged into her room, and threw a load of words at her. Being unsure on what I have actually done to make things this sour between us made it hard to plan what I was going to say, because I didn't know where she would take the conversation. She had information that I needed and I badly wanted her to fill in the gaps. So I could explain, or apologise. So I could do something. Anything.

"What the fuck Ki? Get out." Emily whined, glaring up at me as she tried to cover herself with bubbles. I stood speechless whilst looking up to the ceiling with my eyes screwed shut. I don't know if I was trying desperately to remove the image from my head for my own sanity or whether I was trying hard to engrave it.

"Why the fuck-this is my bathroom Emily. Shit." I heaved out.

"Oh." She whispered out as I heard the dripping of the water. I felt a wet hand rest on the back of my neck as she pulled my head down, willing me to slowly open my eyes. I tried hard to keep my eyes on her face, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. "You're so respectful." She mumbled, her eyes bouncing between mine. Her thumb moved gently on my neck, her body moving closer to mine as she brought her arms fully around me in a hug. Her body flushed against mine, and usually I would enjoy this. But it was torture, especially because she was naked. My hands remained limp against my side, clenched in a fist. "You're breathing so fast. You weren't in this state when we had sex." She teased, and I frowned at that.

"Maybe because we didn't. You had sex with me, and then left before I could- Emily. Don't." I warned as her teeth grazed my neck, my hands moving to a place on her hips in an attempt to hold myself up.

"You can now." She whispered out, her breath fanning across my cheek as she peppered my face with gentle kisses before stopping when she reached my lips.

"No. You've been treating me like shit since the night I slept with you. What's going on there?" I questioned, tightening my grip on her as she tried to pull away. "No, Emily. We have to talk about it." I insisted.

"Why? Because Jerry said so?" She muttered, clearly displeased in the direction the conversation was going.

"Because if we don't then we will never understand each other. Just tell me what I've done. I don't understand how I could have possibly done something wrong when I slept with you, when you fucking invited me to go to bed with y-."

"You told me that you love me! Okay? You said that you loved me. That's the second time you've dropped something like that on me and then not said a word about it. You were the one who said we should be friends, and then you told me you loved me!" She pushed me away as my grip faltered, a few tears sliding down her cheek. I cupped her face in my hands as I pulled her back into me, my lips attacking her's. Her hands gripped tightly on my t-shirt, pulling me against her but also keeping me at a certain distance. Once I pulled away, her eyebrows furrowed, conflicted.

"I do love you. I've loved you for so long Emily. Longer than I would like to admit. I wish I never suggested for us to be friends. We have too much to lose. I have too much love for you just to be thrown away. I'm sorry. I really am." I explained, my voice straining through my apology, trying to hold myself together.

"How long?" She asked.

"Since the party." I admitted, barely a whisper.

"Shit." She breathed out, placing one of her hands flat against my chest. "I should have known. I've always been intrigued by how fast your heart beats. And no one else ever has." She rambled.

"Because it only beats that fast when I'm with you." I nodded, finishing her thought.

"I broke your heart at that party. That's why you've hated me for so long. I'm sorry Kiana. I wish I would have opened my eyes and saw what was right in front of me. You were right there, in my grasp and then I ruined it." She groaned, rubbing her eyes to rid herself of the tears she was desperately holding on to.

"No matter what you've done, what I've done, I can't stop my heart from wanting you. Only you. All of you. It's always been you." I said, pulling her hands away from her face and kissing the back of them.

"I don't want to hurt you." She panicked.

"You won't. Whatever happens, as long as we talk, we will be okay. I'm all in, Em."

"Okay." She nodded, letting it sink in. "Okay." She repeated, looking up at me and placing a soft kiss against my lips. "I think... that maybe, I might love you too." She struggled, her gaze dropping and burying her head in my chest. I inhaled deeply. I hadn't expected her to say anything. Especially not that.

"You're amazing." I told her, before pulling her closer. "You need to get dressed, as much as I think you're beautiful. Having you this close whilst you're naked isn't doing either of us any favours." I muttered.

"Maybe I like having you all hot and bothered over me." She whispered, biting my earlobe before pulling my hands up and placing them over my eyes. I smirked as I let them drop, my eyes fanning over her body as she put a towel around her, her back facing me.

My arms surrounded her as I pulled her back against my front, whispering to her. "You're playing with fire."

"Shouldn't you know by now that I enjoy getting burned." She said before pulling away and pushing me out of the bathroom.