I'm Meant To Hate You

18

"Oh, Emily don't you look gorgeous my dear." My mother fussed over Emily, who still stood behind me.

"Thank you." She spoke quietly, brushing past me gently as she moved to go and greet my mother. I couldn't focus on what they were saying. Why was she here? At my work? How did she know this is where I work?

"Isn't she a sight for sore eyes, Kiana?" My mother's stern voice warned me to interact with her. My mother looked older than I remembered. I always had it in my mind that she wouldn't age, she wouldn't ever look different, because the entire time I was around her, she always looked the same. Her hair used to be blonde, tied neatly into a bun. Now it was grey, but the bun was still present. Not one hair was ever out of place. Her makeup wasn't heavily done, but with her few wrinkles you could clearly notice that she had more on than she needed. And her clothing, I can't recall a day where she looked relaxed. She was always dressed up. She dressed for every occasion, even if there wasn't one. I don't think she owned a t-shirt, or a jumper. Or jogging bottoms.

"She is." I said, my voice turning cold. "How?" I asked her. I didn't need to elaborate, she knew exactly what I meant. Mind games is her first language. It always has been. There was never a moment where she took something seriously, listened properly, answered nicely. There was always a cost. Something she wanted in return, even if it was just the frustration of the other person. She revelled in being a brat, despite her age. Age was nothing but a number in her case, especially when it came down to maturity. A lot of people talk about how becoming a mother changes a person, how selfless you have to become. Becoming my mother, made her worse. She hated me, treated me as if it was my fault that I was born.

"Emily's parents. They truly are kind souls. Emily here was very kind over the phone too. Your parents brought you up right darling." She said the last part as she turned to focus on Emily.

"Yeah." Emily replied, her attention on me as she watched for my reaction at the news. Maybe she was expecting me to blow up in her face because I had found out that she had spoke to my mother, without telling me. She knew how things used to be, how things were when I was younger. I made the mistake one time refusing to do something I had been told to do by my parents at a family gathering, and everyone found out what sort of lifestyle we had. Sometimes, having her to argue with gave me an escape. Until everything snapped, and I moved away. Away from all of it. And now, it had all followed me here. Every last bit.

"Are you not going to offer me a drink?" My mother's steely glare returned as she eyed me up.

"I'm not."

"How rude. I'll take Emily then. Toodloo Kiana. Send my love to that friend of your's." My mother said, hooking an arm through Emily's and pulling her out of the door, neither of them looking back.

"Fuck. What? No." I mumbled, my legs wobbling beneath me as I fell to the floor, my arms barely holding me up.

I couldn't control my feelings now, I couldn't hold it any longer. I didn't know deep down whether to let myself drown in the betrayal that I felt because of Emily. Or whether to sink so deep in fear of my Mum showing up that not even the best lifeguards could save me. The big window wasn't going to help the stress from this go away. Not in the way that I had relied on it to in many other overwhelming situations.

"How was your girlfri- Kiana? No, no, no. I've got you. Laurel shut the door."Mel's voice entered the room, before her heels rushed towards me and her arms enveloped me. "I've got you." She said as she pulled me into her.

"She's here. A-and Emily knew." I sobbed as I clung to her, letting my vulnerability take over.

"Oh sweetie. Who? Who's here?" She said as she gently pulled my hands away from my face.

"My Mum."

"Of course she fucking is. Laurel, can you do me a favour?" She spoke to Laurel, who remained silent and respectful.

"Anything." Her soft voice spoke up.

"Tell reception to ban Hillary Johnson from the office." She spoke sternly, then turned her attention back to me. "It's okay sweetie. We're in this together. You just wait till I get my hands on Emily fucking Fox." She seethed.

"No. You know how Mum is. I'll sort it with Emily." I mumbled, surprised how she could understand me. I was also surprised with how easily I found it to stick up for Emily. Despite the fact that I would certainly not let it go, I knew it would be unfair to involve Mel in something like this, especially when it was between Emily and I.

"Okay babe. But you're not alone. You need backup, tell me straight away. I'll bitch slap her back across the red carpet if needs be. Just send the text and I'll be right there."

"Shut up." I slightly chuckled, rolling my eyes at her violence. She was always the more physical friend. If something needed doing, she would do it, and if someone messed with us, she would sort it. She was a doer. I was more of a thinker. We both thought of things, she just acted upon it.

"The lady on reception said she will need to verify it, but she is definitely banned until then." Laurel's voice interrupted the silence that had taken over us.

"Thank you babe." Mel said to her.

"Is there anything else I can do? Do you want some water? Food? Alcohol?" Her voice was serious but Mel couldn't hold back her chuckle.

"Definitely not alcohol. We won't rely on that. Maybe get some pizza and bring it back. We can all eat it here if you don't mind babe?" Mel spoke softly towards her girlfriend? Lover?

"Of course. I'll be back soon. Call me if you need me." She said before leaving us alone once again.

"She's nice. I like her." I spoke my thoughts.

"Yeah. I love her." Mel whispered out, almost as if she was scared to admit it.

"That's okay. That's a good thing. You've finally found someone worth loving." I said, listening to her release a breath.

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I needed that." She leaned her head into the back of mine.

"Can you loosen up a bit?" I groaned, moving in discomfort as my shoulder ached beneath my clothes.

"What's wrong?" She asked me sternly, sitting back from me a little and looking over me.

"Just my shoulder. Me and Emily were kind of...occupied when my mother arrived. Emily pushed me away and I fell off my desk. Stuck the landing though, or at least my shoulder did." I joked, but it was not funny. There was nothing funny about it. My mother always showed up when I didn't need her. And when I did need her, she showed up a few times, and just watched. Emotionless, as if she wasn't even present. She didn't do anything to help me. She was selfish. And she certainly didn't deserve the title of being my mother. I would rather I didn't know her at all. Or ever.