The Girl Who Chased Stars

XVI

I wake up with someone on top of me.

I wake up with someone's lips pressed lightly against my neck, and someone holding me gently, breathing slowly and softly.

Skai.

I sigh, and feel myself relax underneath her. In response, her sleeping form shifts and positions us so that she's even closer against me than before.

I find myself being completely okay with that.

Slowly, I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the time. It's only two in the morning. I had assumed that we slept all through the night.

I put my phone back down, and try to fall back asleep. But just as I close my eyes I feel Skai's finger caressing my arm.

"Are you awake?" She asks me quietly.

"Yeah." I whisper. "Are you?"

It was meant to be funny. A joke. But Skai doesn't laugh or smile. She just looks up at me with the same broken expression she wore earlier.

Her voice cracks softly. "I have no where to live."

Suddenly I'm wide awake. I sit up and wrap my arm around her. "What? What do you mean?"

Skai starts to cry again, and she puts her head down. "My mom...."

"Skai. What did you do? What happened?"

Skai sniffles. "I ran. I had to get out of that place."

"Why?"

"Amy, you don't know my mother. There's something wrong inside her head. She's so terrible....after my, my dad left-she-she just..."

A sob racks through Skai's body, and I hold her against me.

"She lost whatever emotions she had. She's just like a walking zombie who randomly snaps at the smallest things."

So she's...mean?"

I don't really understand. Everyone's parents snap sometimes.

Another sob, an more tears.

"No. Amy, it's the things she says... She can tear you apart with the things she says."

I don't know how to reply, so I just continue to hold her.

" I can't live with her anymore. You shouldn't have to live with someone as terrible as that."

"I don't understand, Skai."

I pull away and look down at her. "What did your mom say that was so terrible?"

"She told me I was a mistake. She told me that her life would be so much easier if I just decided to kill myself."

"And... Really it's not just that, but the thing that really hurts me is that she says it so sincerely. I mean, she blames me for everything. She constantly reminds me of what an inconvenience I am, and when you hear those words-over and over- you start to believe them."

"Skai-"

"Maybe I would be better off invisible, you know? I'm really at that point Amy. I don't want to live like that anymore. Being told everyday what trash I am. I should just... I should just..."

"Don't say it Skai. Please."

Skai looks away from me.

" it's true though. Who would really care? Sure you'd probably be bummed for a while, but... You'd forget...everyone forgets..."

I feel myself being overtaken with an unexplainable rage. A terrifying fear that is backed by anger.

"Stop." I grab her wrists tightly, and face her towards me.

" I get it okay? I get what you're saying about your mom. But please don't talk like this. All this irrelevant death shit. And do not fucking ever say that about me. I would never, I could never..."

Skai looks up at me with a terrified expression.

"Skai. You're my everything. If you're gonna die, then I'm going to die too, every fucking day. Every god damn day that I'd be without you would be like hell. My own personal daily death."

Skai stares at me, giving me the chance to continue. "And Wolfe, and Paris. All your brothers. Even your mom. They wouldn't be the same without you."

"You have this liveliness, this perky energy that just changes people. I can't even explain how amazing you are, skai."

"And..."

She's full on crying now, and Suddenly my driven anger is replaced by a softer emotion.

"I can't live without you...You're like my sun."

Skai grabs me, and crashes her lips onto mine. Our kisses are salty with her tears, and in between them Skai begs me to stop. "Please." She whispers. "Don't say that."

Confused, I pull away. "What?"

I brush away her tears and she looks at me. " Don't talk about me like that. Amy, I'm not some God. I'm not some beautiful piece of art. I'm a mess...that's all I am."

"art isn't supposed to be beautiful."

Skai laughs weakly. "Stop quoting books, Amy."

"Art isn't beautiful." I continue, " it's supposed to make you feel something, and that is what you do."

Skai sighs, and leans against me.

"I love you Skai."

"I know... But-"

I feel her sigh again. "You made a terrible choice."

I smile. I really do. I can't help it.

"It's a choice that I can live with."

I roll us over, and push Skai into the sofa. She smiles as she feels my weight against her, and she lays her hands against my sides.

She looks at me quizzically. "Are we about to..."

I laugh, and kiss her.

"I don't know." I reply, " but right now I'd just really like to kiss you."

Skai smiles, and then leans up to push her lips against mine. "For now..." She mumbles.

I laugh again, and then pull her body against mine.

"For now." I agree.
_________

Side note -The quote about feeling art was actually created by Rainbow Rowell. I don't own it, although it's actually one of my favorite quotes. Also one of Amys.