I pass through the grand doors of the hospital for the last time, and take a gulp of breath when I realize that the dimensions haven't been closed yet.
It's the 6th of July. Which means there's less than a month for the inevitable to occur.
Sam's death.
When I reach the emergency exit, I make sure that there's no one around and then close my eyes and utter the words.
When I open them back up, I come to realize one thing.
The tears.
No matter how many times I have gone through this, I can't get used to it. Tears always catch me off guard. And then, I usually start crying in the middle of the emergency exit while a part of me tries its best to hinder that.
But this time, it's different. I have a limited time. So as soon as I land on this dimension, I wipe my tears with the back of my hands and head toward the room he's staying in.
When I reach his room, I see that the door is ajar. Through the gap, I can see a hand, holding Sam's.
I lightly tap on the door and wait for his voice to fill my ears.
'Come in,' he says, his voice carrying a tone I don't immediately recognize.
I make it inside the room, somehow hesitantly. The moment my eyes meet his, I shiver. The hope in his eyes looks gone, he looks almost dead, today.
I greet Allysa, Sam's mom. She hugs me, and I hug her back. Our hug is awkward, she tries her best not to put pressure on my now growing belly.
I am pregnant, six months in. When I found this out, Sam was newly diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know what to do, all I did for the rest of the day was cry on the floor of our bathroom. Then, I started laughing so hard, it made me want to cry.
'Have you decided on a name y..?' Allysa asks both of us, pulling me from my thoughts.
'Miles.' Sam cuts in. I spin my head in his direction, in shock. It's the first time he's expressed his opinion on this matter.
'Miles, such an amazing name!' Allysa cries. I smile...
'I love it.' I mutter as a tear rolls down my cheek.
Sam's eyes cut through mine, and the moment our eyes thoroughly meet, I stop crying.
'Theresa,' he whispers, his voice somehow filled with hope this time.
'I know it will probably suck. I mean, not having your spouse by your side while trying to raise a baby must be hard. Both mentally, and physically. But, I don't know anyone like you, Theresa. You're one hell of a kind to ever exist. You will be good, our baby will be fine. You'll find someone else, move on...'
'No, Sam.' I cut in as soon as the words spill out of his mouth.
'I won't move on from you,' I raise my voice. Doesn't matter how many times we've talked about this, he just won't get it.
I'm on the verge of tears, again. I don't know what else to say, how to react without making it obvious that I'm tired. But I am tired, with everything I am.
I turn my head toward the sofa Allysa has been sitting on, and then come to realize that she's already left to leave us alone.
