Scarred | The Hunger Games

10.

On that first visit to Otti, I never got to explain why they called me Novalie, Peacekeepers pulling me out of her room- sorry, cell.

My next appointment was a week later, where the man had made a cut below my breasts. That week when I visited Otti, I told her about how I created a fake identity and persona for the Hunger Games. How I met a sweet kid who reminded me of her, and then I was forced away once again.

On my third appointment, I met a man, his name was Bishop Dovecote. He left a very shallow, but very long cut on me, reaching from my chin, all down to above my belly button. In the morning, there were sickly purple-green bruises painting my skin, and deep red marks and bites along my neck, next to the new cut I had collected.

When I went to clean myself up from the night before, I felt my underwear become wet with white stain. I needed plan B that morning.

When I went to see Otti after grabbing the pill, she snapped at me.

"You killed children?"

"I didn't want to! I wanted to come back to you, I wanted Otto to go home, I wanted-"

"You wanted to win. They told me you killed 6 kids and watched another 2 get killed. They told me you killed a shark for goodness sakes!" Otti shrieked.

"I had to! I had to-" I stepped forward, causing Otti to flinch badly.

"No, no stay away. They call you Shark Biter. Why? Is it because you bite?"

This time I flinch. I had to remind myself that she couldn't see the cuts, the scars, the bruises. I had to remind myself that Otti couldn't see that I was the one bitten by Bishop Dovecote. That I purposely wore a turtleneck to protect Otti from my own pain.

"Why won't they let me leave? Why am I the one trapped while you're the one who bites? How are you allowed to visit me?" Then, she gasps. "You're doing something for them, that's why they're letting you visit me."

My eyes widened, scared that Ottiline knew what I was trying to protect her from.

"Are you killing people for the Capitol? Just to visit me?"

That night I had my very first nightmare of my games, thrown with a mix of Halima, Bishop, Snow, and Ottiline's criticisms. I remember watching Otto get torn to pieces, feeling the pain of the shark bite all over again, feeling the pain of the cuts, feeling the guilt of Otti's words.

I still visited Otti every week, but she never speaks to me. I think she truly believes I am killing to visit her.

Meanwhile, I had another two appointments with Halima Mohan, who gave me a matching scar on my other thigh, as well as a scar down my spine. Bishop Dovecote also had one with me, making a scar that stretched shoulder to shoulder, as well as resulting in another Plan B pill.

Other clients I had gave me more miscellaneous marks, some more delicate, decorating my hands, and others more intricate. Some clients even had fun scheduling multiple appointments to draw pictures on my skin.

No one really touched my shark bite scar, most of them getting off on touching the skin, or using the texture of it to finish them. It truly disgusted me to the core, in a way that made me want to drown myself. 

I haven't had any appointments in the last month, which filled me with relief, but also made my stomach drop realising I couldn't visit Otti.

The lack of appointments was in preparation for my victory tour.

"Oh! Rena isn't that a tad too much coverage?" VeVe asked as she eyed the clothes Rena had fitted me in.

"Oh darling, last time I dressed her I left nothing for the imagination, and now, we have to leave something." Rena winked. I've got to say, she is excellent at disguising her true personality.

VeVe guides me out the door, "Now, make sure to smile, oh you will be perfectly fine, everyone loves you."

The camera immediately focuses on my, all up in my face as Caesar's voice comes through. "Our Shark Biter! How are you Novalie?"

I smile, "Well, I have never been better, the luxuries that the Capitol has has exceeded all my expectations. You need to stop hoarding, sharing is caring."

Caesar laughs, "Of course Nova! Anything for you!" The interview is short, before I'm whisked away on the train, headed to District Twelve.

I held the speech in my hands as I look at the hologram projections of the tributes. I didn't know them, but I felt horrible about watching everything unfold and doing nothing about it. My words come out as if I cared, but as soon as I left the stage, I threw up. I did that a lot recently, throwing up. Grabbing a nearby water bottle, I chugged it down, trying to get rid of the acid taste that lingered on my tongue.

"Woah, easy Sharky. For someone who spent almost three days underwater, you sure are thirsty for more." Haymitch said, his words slurring. I knew of him, courtesy of VeVe, but this was the first time meeting him.

I looked up at him, shutting down at the mention of my games. I hadn't come across a lake, pool or even bathtub since my games, but I knew that if I did, it would not end well. However, I was fine with drinking water and showers, so a guilt lingered in the pit of my stomach, wondering if I should have been afraid of that water as well.

"Novalie?"

"Hmm?"

"You alright kid?"

"Of course. I'm sorry I didn't help your tributes more. I know they were very promising this year." My voice came out almost in a whisper.

Haymitch just strugged as he pulled out a flask. "They had promise but they didn't have your fight."

***

I recited the speeches VeVe had written for me, acting like the most grateful victor on stage, then collapsing in vomit after. We had just arrived at District Seven, the first District that had a tribute which I directly killed.

It was harder to recite the speech here, my hands couldn't stop shaking when I spoke. The bile come out quicker than usual, Cecelia already having a bucket ready for me to puke in after realising the pattern.

"You look less alive than the last time I saw you." It was Johanna.

"And last time I saw you, you were a little more appreciative of my presence." I said, before more bile came up.

"That was because you were funny, doll." She said, pulling back my hair as I gagged. It was funny, because when Halima called me doll, fear surged through me as she objectified me. And yet, the word leaving Johanna's lips were so much more of a gentle tease, like an endearment.

"Sorry I killed your tribute."

She waved her hand. "Eh, he was a douche anyways." Johanna had come beside me and started rubbing my back to soothe me whilst I threw up. "You did what I did, y'know. Acted weak, then killed everyone."

I wiped my mouth as I finally stopped throwing up. "It wasn't an act Jo, I am weak." I put the bucket down.

"Jo. I like it, everyone just calls me Johanna." She said as she wiped the tears I spilled from gagging. "Hey, if you made it this far, you must have done something right."

"If I had done something right, I would be dead." I deadpan.

Johanna laughs. "Nice to know you're still funny. What's with the hand tats?"

I held my hands close to my chest. "They're not tattoos."