Scarred | The Hunger Games

17.

"Please Jo-"

It had been almost a week since I saw what he was doing to Otti and talked to him. I knew time was running out. Since then, I've been calling Jo daily, crying to her and asking her to consider it. I'm honestly surprised she picks up the phone at all. 

"Don't call me that. You fucking disgust me. You keep calling me to beg for the one thing I have left that I own. Not Snow. Not you. Me. So fuck off!" 

I don't have any time to continue begging her as she hangs up immediately. I felt utterly hopeless, knowing I couldn't do anything to convince Johanna. But I knew I had to try help Otti.

***

I hurriedly clean myself up after my client has left, confirming with the avox that I had completed my appointment as I leave. I knew that this may be the last time I would be able to visit the centre, so I moved quick.

Otti's room remained similar to the last time I had saw her, the knives still in the same neat organised manner. It looked like there was more blood than last time I saw here but I couldn't be sure. 

Her frame was shaking in the corner of the bed, and I walked up to her, "Otti? Baby?"

She turned around, and at the sight of me, she crawled up to me, "Eula!" She cried. "Why are they doing this to me?" She asks again.

I sat down on the bed, putting my arm around her. "Otti, Snow threatened me to do something, something bad, or else something even worse would happen to you. And I wasn't able to do it, so they're punishing you for it. I'm sorry baby."

She curls into my shoulder. "It hurts." She is awfully pale, almost with a yellow tint to her natural skin's hue.

I check her injured arm, only to see that the stab wound has been infected, gnarly bubble like texture on the skin that surrounds the wound. This is how he's buying me time. He poisoned her.

I lift her arm closer so I could examine the damage but she jerks back, crying out in pain. Otti hiccups a little, "Please make it stop. It hurts so bad."

I push the hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I'm sorry baby."

"Everything hurts, please make it go away Eula." She collapses onto the bed, wriggling in pain. She's hurting so bad, and I don't know how I can stop it. They haven't even replicated the shark bite and I don't even want to know how they would do it. 

"I'm going to make it all better ok baby?" I whisper, standing up to walk to one of the desks. My hand was shaking as I picked up the sharpest knife. I return to the bed, sitting and pulling her head onto my lap. "I'm going to make everything stop hurting ok?"

She weakly nods.

"I'm going to put you to sleep, and then when you wake up, you'll return back to the forest, in our little home. You'll be ok baby." I whisper as the tears gather in my eyes.

"Will you be there when I wake up Eula?" She looks up at me.

I shake my head, smiling tightly. "No, I won't be there, but mum and dad will be there waiting for you." I say as I pet her head with my free hand.

Her hand just barely grips the wrist of the hand I was petting her with, "but I want you to be there with me."

"Tell you what Otti. When you wake up back home, you grab a bit of our homemade paste, put it on your hand, and when it stops glowing, I'll come back home as well, ok?" My voice almost cracks.

She smiles, "Ok, I'm holding you accountable to that."

I let out a wet laugh, "of course." I bring the knife to the side of her throat.

"Goodnight Ottiline. See you on the other side." 

I drag the knife across her throat as fast and as deep as I can, trying to make her death as quick and painless as possible. The hand she had around my other wrist lets go, and I knew she was gone. 

I kiss the crown of her head, "I love you." 

As I realise that I had actually done it, I let out a loud sob, letting the tears finally escape, my chest hurting in the worst way possible. Why couldn't Johanna Mason have just said yes?

Peacekeepers suddenly storm into the room, dragging me by the arms out and taking the knife out of my hand. They keep dragging me away, and into what I can only assume to be the direction of Snow's office. 

"I did what I had to do, she's in a better place. She's safe now. She's free now." I mutter to myself through my tears, repeating it like a mantra. "She's in a better pla-"

"I didn't think you would do it." 

My head snaps up, seeing Snow leaning on his desk, with an eyebrow raised at me. "I had to. You were hurting her."

"So were you."

I shook my head. "I was stopping everyone from hurting her."

Then, he shook his head in response. "No. Maybe you just didn't want me to have someone to threaten you with. You wanted to be more like Johanna Mason-"

"I don't want to be anything like Mason!" I growled out. "She's cruel and unforgiving. She's selfish."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "But you're the one who killed your sister yes?"

"She was the one who left me no choice."

"Johanna Mason made you kill her?"

I scoff, "Basically." 

He propped himself up on his hand. "I see. Since you are dealing with such a immense turmoil from the events of the past hour, I will spare Johanna Mason." Why couldn't Mason spare my sister?

I simply nodded, even though there was angry bubbling in me. After all that I did, after all I went through, Mason was left scot-free. 

***

Otti never stepped foot into my house in the Victor's village, but it had never felt so lonely before. My body crumpled into the couch, more sobs escaping me as I reach for the blade, wanting to join Otti back home. 

The phone rings, and I pick it up, not bothering to check the caller. "What?" My voice is weak, on the brink of cracking.

"Novalie, why is Johanna telling me you're trying to get her to take on appointments? What is wrong with you?!"

"I don't want her to take on appointments!" I snap. "Snow made me do it. He threatened to kill my sister and Mason if I couldn't convince her to take on appointments."

He sighed in the phone, frustration evident in his voice. "You and I both know she would never do it, Snow damn knows it as well-"

"Yeah, that's why my sister is dead. Because I couldn't protect her from Snow, I couldn't protect her from Mason, and I will never fucking forgive her for that."

"Nova, you know Johanna-"

"No. I had to do it you know?! They were torturing her, and I couldn't protect her. They were going to let her die of poison and infection, and I wasn't going to let her die slow and painfully. I did it. I killed her-"

"Nova, you did what you thought was b-"

"I'm a monster. I'm horrible and I will never forgive myself, or Snow, or Mason for that." I hang up before he can reply, my breathing picking up so fast that I don't think I can slow it down. I call a different number, probably the only person that would understand me in this moment. 

"Haymitch?" I sniffle into the phone.

"What's wrong kiddo?" His words slur but there's an undertone of concern.

"I'm a murderer." 

He laughs a bit, "oh kiddo. We all are." I also let out a laugh at that.