We broke up. In May. It's been 7 months now.
I won't say much about it. The both us had our flaws, our mistakes. At the end of the day, at the very least I could say I did own up to my mistakes instead of trying to blame it all on anything and anyone but myself.
I'm just in a state where I don't know if I regretted the relationship or not. It's like, I regret it cuz I knew it was wrong to begin with when it comes to my religion. I don't regret it cuz it showed me how much work I needed to do on myself. I think, maybe, I'm more thankful for the experience. I never knew how much I've changed, how much of the old me has actually died.
I saw a post somewhere that said, you need to grieve the loss of yourself. I think I needed to do that. I can't keep trying to be the old me. She's not here anymore. I needed to just accept that and try to make the best of who I am today. It's still pretty difficult.
I'm doing a lot of things that I never did before. I'm really just trying to explore my potential and just trying to socialize more. It's still not easy of course.
I'm doing a lot of things to treat myself better now too. Well, not really a lot but I'm doing something.
For example, I've started buying PC parts so I can build my own PC. That's something I've always wanted to do. Now I'm just gonna go ahead and make it happen instead of waiting for the right time when I have enough money to buy everything.
I've been planning to go out on a date with myself but my schedule is pretty tight at the moment. So I'm not sure about that yet. Plus I'm always tired from work.
I'm just focusing on doing things that makes me happy. Cuz I deserve it. And if no one else is gonna make me happy I might as well do it myself. I know myself better than anyone else. I know what makes me happy.
So yeah, my life has been very eventful this year. Who would've thought, right?
Anyways, I hope everyone is well. I'll try to write more next time.
Have a good day/night Hoomans of Wattpad!
Sincerely,
CK Salma
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CK'S JOURNAL
Документальная прозаThis is my personal journal. This is something I've done occasionally by writing on any paper near me before. I decided why not let people see my train of thoughts. Maybe people will understand me a bit better through this. Anything way too personal...
