CK'S JOURNAL

Saturday, 28 November 2020

(Sunday, 29 November 2020)

TW: Soooooo, I just realized I should have put this warning on this entry too. Cuz, you know, just in case people found this on Wattpad and not the people who found it on my social media. Well, I just showed off my stupidity here.

Anyways, yeah, this entry discusses a pretty serious topic along the way. So, read at your own risk and it is also a lot longer than the previous ones.

You have been warned!

~~~

Hey guys!

Another day, another entry!

Today's topic might be a little serious. Depends on how my thought process will be as I'm writing this.

Here's the thing. If anyone ever knew me before I was 11 years old, then you would know that I am the most active and talkative person there is in school. No, I am not a quiet, shy, timid little girl.

I was more of a tomboy, really. But then, what changed me so drastically? Well, the sole reason for the change was stupid to be honest. But, I was a kid. So, of course I would care what people said about me.

Let's just say that one day I heard someone in my class talking behind my back - literally -. They were complaining about how noisy I was and just wanted me to shut up.

Now, if someone were to say something like this about me now, I wouldn't care. Like, at all. But, I was 10 at the time and in my head I thought "Am I really that noisy? Am I bothering them that much? Should I shut up?"

The whole class was damn noisy when they were saying this so, now that I think about, why not complain about the whole class? Why just me?

I later found out they were jealous of me being best friends with a rich girl in that class. As if I was taking advantage of her. When I found out about this, I was like, I'm middle class and I can still afford almost anything she could at the time.

The only thing I couldn't afford is travelling outside of my country, of course. Travelling around my whole country? I've been to a lot of places in my country because of my dad's occupation as a DOP. And I was still  a kid.

Not a lot of people can say they've been to as many places as I have when they were kids. But, don't hope for me to be a tour guide here, cuz being a quiet little girl actually made me be more of an indoor person and I don't travel much now.

I don't even know how to get around my own neighbourhood that I've lived in for so many years. I'm always discovering new paths whenever I'm walking with my siblings. It's ridiculous when I think about it. My younger sisters have travelled more than I could in all of my life. That's saying a lot.

Anyways, what they said got to me and at first, I tried not to talk so loudly during the whole school year when I was 10. Then, the next year, I was in a different class from my best friend. I think that broke me because she was the only one who accepted me for the way I am.

Also, everyone kept saying I'm only friends with her to take advantage of her. In reality, she approached me first. She thought I had no friends because (this is what she told me) she always sees me sitting alone.

I don't even know when she could witness me being alone. Or maybe she thought even though I'm sitting with a lot of people, I was still a bit distant from everyone else. That has to be the only explanation.

Cuz I only did start sitting alone when I was 11. When she was not in the same class as me. When I thought I will never find a friend like her again.

I was very dramatic. We were still in the same school. I could just meet up with her during recess or something. Sometimes I do. But, she was almost always with the group of friends who talked trash about me. So, yeah.