CK'S JOURNAL

Friday, 27 November 2020

Hey guys!

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.

I freaking LOVE playing League with this one guy cuz he is damn good! I'm not even kidding!

We could play 10 matches and chances are we're going to win 9 out of 10 matches.

Even if we end up losing, we would still be able to accept the defeat cuz we played well.

I am not that good at this game yet. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. But, I've been doing well recently and playing with him really helps.

Something about me that you should know is that my emotions really control a lot of things in my life. Sometimes I can keep my emotions in check but sometimes it just gets out of hand.

Most of the time I always end up with a team that trash talk on other teammates and that really puts me in  a bad mood. And I always perform horribly when I'm in a bad mood.

But this guy always makes the environment so uplifting and it just always puts me in a good mood. There's never a time when I get so frustrated I want to quit the game. (I will never go AFK though) 🤪

So, yeah. That's all I wanted to say actually. I just wanna make sure I put this feelings into words and leave it here. If it stays with me too long it might turn into something else and I don't want that happening again.

Cuz in the end the only person hurting me is myself.

I fall too easily sometimes. I hate that about myself. You just have to be nice to me and I would go all in without thinking twice. But, that might not happen again though. Since, I'm aware of it.

Also, me writing this is what will make the feeling die out easily. I don't know why but writing down my feelings really does help in making me feel these feelings less strongly.

I'm not saying it completely disappears but I'm in control of my feelings.

I made a mistake not writing my feelings about someone before and it destroyed me. Well, I destroyed myself.

I know what you're thinking. "Then, you should write about those feelings here now."

No. Thanks for the thought though. If the feelings get out of hand, I have to deal with it myself. Writing it down will just make me think about it more and that hurts more. What hurts more is that I'm the one causing it to myself.

Oh, wow. This entry started off with me feeling happy and now it just got depressing. Well, that's how my head works. It won't let me have my happiness for long. My head will always remind me of the bad things in life. *sigh*

But it's okay. I'm really fine. If I wasn't, I wouldn't still be here. Anyways, thank you for listening to me again. Hopefully my next entry will actually just be happy thoughts.

Thank you guys!

Sincerely,
CK Salma