Hey guys!
It's been a while since I last wrote here. I have been writing in books though. I just don't feel like I should put it here. Some things I talk about are just way too personal.
No. I won't be wishing a happy new year cuz that reminds me of my age and I'm just slowly going into a mid-life crisis.
I don't even act my age most of the time. Can I even call myself an adult?
*sigh*
I really wish I never knew more than I should about anyone I met through an online game. I really wish I could get rid of the knowledge.
In the end, I know what I will do. I will give up if they don't give up first. Or I will do anything to make them give up. It's pointless anyway.
Like I said, no one can really hurt me except for me. I knew it was pointless to begin with but I still held on thinking maybe it's not as pointless as I make it out to be.
Then, reality hits me and I realize that it is pointless. No matter what I do, it is pointless. Everything is pointless.
I wish I had treated everyone I met in the game as just acquaintances. Only ever interact when we're playing the game only. Nothing else.
I really just want to write it down- what it is that I really want to say here. But, I guess I'm still holding on to it. I don't want to lose most of the feelings here.
I'm stupid, aren't I?
They probably don't even think of it this way at all. They probably don't care. This is why they're not hurting me. I am hurting myself for even letting these thoughts in.
I shouldn't have bothered getting to know anyone. I should have stayed away.
Wish I could just press Ctrl+Z and undo everything. But, I can't and that hurts.
Sorry for starting the new year with a depressing thought. But, it wouldn't be me if I'm not mostly depressed all my life. Right?
Anyways, thank you for listening to my depressing thought. Your ears don't deserve this kind of treatment. But you still listened anyway.
You guys are awesome!
Sincerely,
CKSalma
YOU ARE READING
CK'S JOURNAL
No FicciónThis is my personal journal. This is something I've done occasionally by writing on any paper near me before. I decided why not let people see my train of thoughts. Maybe people will understand me a bit better through this. Anything way too personal...
