Lovesick | Natasha Romanoff (GxG)

Part 27; Push Me Away

~Y/N's Pov~

I sit in the room in silence, Natasha leaning against the wall. My eyes were fixated on my hands, I couldn't seem to look anywhere else. If I were to lift my head, I'd fall down from nausea.
I work with these type things- murder, angst, gore, guns, deaths, criminals. This went way too far for me. The man's head practically exploded once the bullet went through his skull, coming out from the back. The moment that happened, I almost puked, seeing as the lifeless body fell onto its back. A single tear rolled down once it hit the floor. Right at that moment I wanted to cry, the second I saw that single tear. I didn't know why I felt so sympathetic, almost feeling like I died with the person. Something definitely made me soft, because I know I've shot people before, maybe even killed them. Lately I feel remorse when I injure someone, even if it's in self-defense or has to happen because of my job. It was just the way the guy begged me, the scared look in his eyes. The terrified looks of other mafia members.

We've got sent to a tiny room at the way back, because I couldn't move after he shot the guy. Carlo sent me to go and calm down, but Natasha insisted to go with. So now, I sit on the broken bed next to the corner. It's a clean room, but very empty. The bed, a ceiling fan with one light, a desk and en-suite. I have no clue what a room like this is doing here, maybe it's a sick room- members coming here to rest if they feel sick.

"Y/N" Natasha's voice drags me out of my thoughts, though I couldn't move my body.

"Look at me."

Struggling to do as I'm told, I force myself to pull my head up. My watery eyes lands on her, eventually meeting her eyes. Her eyebrows lightly furrowed and she pushed herself off the wall.

"It's not your fault." softly she said.

I look down to my hands again. I whisper shakily, "He was so scared." Natasha seemed to stay quiet and listen. "I've never seen anyone that scared before, not even myself." I look up to her, this time tears rolling down my face. "I can't get the image out of my head!"

Natasha slowly walked towards me as I kept rambling about it, just working myself up to make me cry even more. She tried calming me down, but instead I talked more. I jumped up from the bed, pacing back and forth. "I don't even know why I'm reacting this way!" I exclaimed, "I shot people before, why am I freaking crying right now!?"

Before I could walk back and forth again, Natasha dragged me towards her. Immediately, I wrap my arms around her neck as she holds me close. Tears pour out my eyes, not really knowing why I feel this soft. I sob against her neck, hiding my face in the crook. She held me, not moving a muscle, as I just let my guilt flow out of me.
It felt good having someone hold me for once again. Strange that it's Natasha, but also so nice at the same time. It shows me she still cares. Thinking of that just made me a little more emotional.
Even though I'm crying, deep down inside I feel a bit more relaxed. It's a feeling I sort of missed, her warm embrace. Natasha isn't even a hugger, but she would always have comfort me like that when I was on my lowest.

After a few moments, I collected my bearings. Only sniffing away the tears now, yet I still hide my face into her neck. I've never felt so embarrassed, but so relaxed at the same time. She really does still have a small effect on me.
Slowly, I pull back. For some reason, I still held my hands around her neck, and she kept holding me.
Realizing how close our faces are together, a blush spreads across my face. My heartbeat went up as her eyes locked with my lips. She slowly leaned in. I stood there, letting it happen. Closing my eyes and leaning in too.