Divine Violence

Wrath

I was a man of God, a good one, I would dare to say, without family, no name. I was an unfortunate child who fell into the hands of God and the Church, and so I thought I owed Thee something. I always wanted to be a doctor, you know? Taking care of people was my soul calling. They would see me as a savior, I would be recognized. But God took everything away from me, I was just one of the disciples preaching the word of Thee. The world should hear my words, praise me, love me. If I am the exact image of God, why can't I be Him? For years I was God walking through this forsaken land. When the head pastor told me that preacher of Alcombay had ascended to heaven, I was the first to apply. A rural town with few inhabitants that depended on religion to dictate what to do and who to be. It was the perfect opportunity. I was king, the men respected me, the women loved me, everything I wanted, until that girl. The spirit I see now in my home. My only love. If only I could touch her again. I ran away in fear, I dreamed that one day she would come back to me. My holy child, my miracle, my sin. But she will never come back, her soul will always be stained. I swear I see my perfect angel now, maybe I drank too much of this wine. She comes closer. Here Eve, take my hand. My head feels heavy, I can not move my arms and legs, but she's here, I can see her smile. It's really her, or is it? Why is everything spinning in slow motion? Why is my breath shorter? What was in this wine? Who brought it here? Office Andrew told me they would bring me a package later, I assumed it was the wine. They always do that. It's getting closer, closer. Oh dear God, when did I hit the ground? Is that the doorbell? What's that ringing? I can not breathe. I want to scream, but the words are heavy, just like my chest. Oh, it's my angel, Eve. Help me, little Eve, I want to scream. She is so beautiful, she has become so lovely. Her hands on my neck, she's reaching for the rosary I have always had with me. She will help me. Her sweet words calling my name. "Father Loyd." I want to answer her, but I can't, nothing comes out. "Father Loyd, I hope God forgives you. You have sinned." I felt the sweetness of her tear in my mouth. I do not want to die at the hands of my beloved. Her eyes darkened, a laugh I knew and had avoided all my life pierced my soul. I wanted to scream, the ringing at the door continued. God, please help me. It was her. It was Ella.

Lord, I hope it's not too late. Forgive me for all the bad I did, but I was not a sinner. If I ever did anything wrong, it was trying to be good.