Altogether unusual

I cannot go back

'I think men know to seduce women through words

and conversation and nice gestures.

That's much sexier than when a man uses muscle.'

Donatella Versace

My heart sinks when I don't recognize the person who entered. He is not coming.

"Are you waiting for someone, Clarisse?" Mark asks with a wink. "Is that boyfriend of yours coming?"

"What?"

Seriously people, you should see my face! What boyfriend? I've never had one. What is it with everybody?

"Your boyfriend, darling, the tall bloke with a hawk-eye for your beautiful self."

I open my mouth to say something, then close it. I lack words. I open it again, almost choking on the nothing in my throat. Let's try again! "No, he's not coming! He's busy with something. Sorry for the interruption! Are you ready to start?"

"Yes, of course." Mark is very nice and relaxed, even though he knows I'm doing my first end to end. He has been very supportive with everything. That's why I don't tell him the truth about Jonathan. And because he is a stranger.

"I think your guy is right, looking after you like he does. You are such a rare beauty, someone might snatch you right from under his nose." I sense Mark's eyes on me and I turn to look at him. I rarely see that look from a guy in my direction.

I laugh good humoured and I continue with what I'm doing. I have no reply for what he said. And it hurts, because I know it is not true. Mark probably thinks Jonathan is into me because "the tall bloke" lingers at the saloon a lot. Jeremy has caught a liking in his direct and unaffected way of talking, and accepted his presence right from the start. Also Jonathan is very quiet and spends his time reading or writing on his laptop. Once I asked him why he comes down so often. He said he likes the tattoo gun noise, that, as unlikely as it sounds, it relaxes him and helps him think.

I put my surgical gloves on, I check the ink again and grab my tattoo machine. This is it. I breathe once and then I dip the needle in ink. As I touch the skin, and the machine buzz rises to my ears, I lose myself. I forget everything but the job at hand. I contour the dragon and then I start filling it, head first. As the time pushes through me, the mythical animal catches form under my needles. It is a fiercely dark red, hypnotic eyes, shiny scales on his body, powerful limbs which look like they are grabbing the skin itself. Greedy teeth wait for bits to pluck. Its tail is heavy and slick, ready to hit. Fearsome thing to behold. I am alive. I am on fire. My hand is running over the skin creating.

When I finish I look at it amazed. Had this come out of me? Jeremy takes pictures pleased with himself.

"These are going on the wall of fame, darling! A star is born tonight!" He grabs me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. He acts like such a father.

"This is absolutely amazing! Absolutely terrific!" Mark exclaims while he watches himself in the mirror. He turns to me and takes me by surprise by grabbing me in his arms. "Thank you! You did a wonderful job!"

The motor vibrates under my body, powerful and free. I did it. I broke through. I know I'm going back to en empty house, but my body is humming in joy. It's the first time in months when I'm really and utterly pleased with myself. I push back the want for Jonathan. I don't want to be that person. The one who cannot be happy unless someone is around to share that. I am me. And it should matter that I'm building a path in a men's field. It should be important. It is important, for fuck's sake. I should be celebrating.