Altogether unusual

Who knew?

"Do you want me to go so you can be with him?" His hard voice scared me. He had entered in the bathroom with me.

"Jonathan! What the hell are you doing? I'm taking a shower, haven't you heard about intimacy?"

"Screw that. I have your naked body branded in my brain. What I want to know is if this is the end for us. Should I go?"

"Look, first of all, you fuck off and don't talk to me like that. And secondly, what the fuck are you talking about? If you want to go, go, but don't blame it on me."

"You! You and your foul mouth are driving me insane. Can we ever have a simple discussion without you trying to outsmart me? Are you or not involved with that guy."

"Kristian?" I asked stupidly, now realizing why he is so upset. "We were involved for a while, yes. But it was nothing but physical. And it was over the minute I left."

"Does he know that?" He all but yelled at me.

"Listen, you idiot, I'm cold. Get out and we'll talk after I finish showering. If you are still here." And, as to prove a point, I turned my back on him.

Of course he did not leave me alone, but removed his clothes and joined me under the warm spray. "Again, are you involved with other people while we are together?"

"So clearly you have no fucking clue what privacy is. Are you jealous? Is that what it is?"

"Of course I'm bloody jealous. I was jealous before I could even have a claim on you. I was jealous of Eve when she told me she loves you. Now, can you answer the question?" He stated, holding my face between his palms. His face was in turmoil.

"Oh, for the love of devils! We were involved. Not anymore. He didn't know I'm with someone. Now he does. And there is absolutely no reason for you to be jealous either. Happy?"

"Fuck yeah, I am! I would scream it to the world." He replied kissing me on the mouth hard.

"So you were ready to leave just because someone kissed me on the cheek?" Maybe he was done being mad, but I wasn't.

"You never told me we are official, or that I can relax and consider myself a part of your life for good. I still want to kill that guy just because he saw you naked." He smiled bitterly.

"Yeah, well, you would be a serial killer if you want to kill every guy who saw me naked."

"Clarisse, don't push it!"

"Jonathan, you kissed my best friend. You don't get to feel upset because I had sex with other guys. Get it?"

"I.LOVE.YOU. Of course I get to be upset. I didn't say it's not my fault, but it is what it is."

That night we made love differently because I was different. Somehow, in all the chaos we had created, that we are still creating I guess, I have found the strength to understand our relationship. My mother always says everything happens for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, we were not mature enough to understand the love and friendship created between us. It happened so slowly, combining various elements from us two, that it almost took us by surprise. Each one, separately, almost destroyed that love, unable to fully understand it. I presume Jonathan realised it first and didn't give up on it. That almost never happens. Usually we give up on love because it's easier not to fight. It comes easier for us to suffer and blame the other. Us humans, we do not stay, we do not fight, we refuse to give and receive. Jonathan and I, we stumbled a lot. Over every nook and cranny, over every little stone. Now when I look back I know it was an evolution, a process of learning and knowing each other in the most simple and yet detailed way two people can. We loved and we cried, and we hated. We suffered openly one in front of the other, we have shown our wounds and, without realising, we shared everything between us. We shared the burden.

That night, while looking at Jonathan under the warm water and then again in bed, while making love, I saw him for what he really was. Mine. For me to love and live with. For me to cherish and protect. Of course, the scariest thing I discovered in his eyes was me. I saw myself the way he did, the way he loves me. I saw a Clarisse I never knew existed. In him I am a woman. With him I do not have to give up on who I am, but I can become better.

So we follow the road of tattoos. We travel together, we sleep in the same room, he holds me during the night, I "scar" people for life and he writes near me or in a near coffee-shop. We see the world, he teaches me so many things. This man is an encyclopaedia and he constantly opens my mind with the things he reveals during our long walks and discussions. My mother says we behave like gypsies, with no roof of our own and no constant in our lives, but I have all the equilibrium I need in Jonathan. We feel at home everywhere we go. I learned how to give more of myself too, so when Jonathan asked me to marry him during one of our walks in the mist, I agreed. There was more to it than met the eye. We wanted to be good godparents for Eve's child, so this simple civilian act, with no fuss, but lots of love, was an instrument towards that. We got married wearing jeans and t-shirts, with my parents, Eve and Sandy as witnesses. It felt more like building a house than anything else. And instead of a ring he promised to build me a studio if we'd ever decide to settle down. Oh, how I love this man!

Life goes smoothly. And most of all, life is what we build every day.