Altogether unusual

The book is about you

'She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it... '

Masashi Kishimoto

I cannot help myself. He's here, so warm and inviting, so tall and manly, I feel I'm lost in his arms. His mouth does a number on me, pulling out all sorts of memories from the dark corners of my mind. I'm probably shell shocked, because I fell everything he does like I have electricity running through my veins. His tongue traces the contour of my lips, so soft and familiar, and his hands have found their way under my t-shirt and caress my spine. The old familiarity combines with the memories and I can only do one thing, actually. The sound of my open palm slapping his cheek is deafening. Time seems to stand still while he watches me in utter amazement, his hand on his red cheek now. I stand where I am, waiting, but he finally takes a step back.

"Please, get out of my room now, Jonathan!" I say with an even voice.

"No. I've been waiting for this moment for a damn long time. I deserve an explanation. You left me. You left without a word. You fucking disappeared on me." I know this tone of voice all too well. It is his hurt voice, all serious and low. All dangerous.

"You kissed Eve. You kept me at arm's length. I left. You should have been happy." My matter of fact voice, cold and clinical, makes him frown.

"You should have stayed nonetheless. I could have told you that I loved you, that I've made a mistake keeping you away from me. We should have talked about it, like people do in a relationship."

"You should not have kissed my best friend. You set me free, you sent me away a long time before I saw you with her. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"But, but I love you, Clarisse. I've been loving you all this time." I hate when he does this, looking defeated and sad. The old feeling of protectiveness tries to poke at me.

"No. That is not true. I was the one doing the loving - for such a long time. I loved you before you even considered me a person, I loved you while we were friends, when we tried to be an item, and I loved you long after I left. But love... love is supposed to bring happiness too. There is nothing perfect in the world, but the entire time we were together I was so miserable. All the time. The good moments were so few, in my mind they get lost in a sea of angst and fear. I was always by your side, trying to give you everything, even if I didn't have it for myself. Like confidence, protection, trust. I didn't even consider other men for years, but you cheated on me with my best friend. While I was trying to convince myself we are good, you were trying to convince yourself you cannot love me. So no, you didn't love me. I am here only for Eve. I promised her we'll get along for her. Do you think we can at least do that together?"

"Hell, you've been waiting for a long time to say all this." I see a teasing small smile at the corner of his mouth.

"I guess I wanted to say all these things, but I haven't reached this conclusion immediately. It took so long." I am aware of this attitude of his too, calming down the situation when needed. I never saw him doing it for other people, just for me.

"Listen, we have both reached our conclusions. Some might be similar, but I can assure you most of them are not. And I hope that sometime you'll be willing to listen to me too. For now, however, you are right: we have to make everything beautiful for Eve. Partners in crime?" I saw his hand, his long fingered hand, extending towards me in a peace offering. And the quiet inside me told me I can accept it. We could move on now, leave the past behind.

"Partners in crime it is."

The following days we worked together on Eve's dream wedding. So when she finally arrived everything was in place. According to us. But of course she found things to change and replace, because that is our Eve and there is no stopping to her craziness. She calls it thoroughness. The fact we are all together prevents me from fighting over semantics. I guess I had forgotten what having friends really means. How the fuzzy, impossible to explain feeling of closeness can mean everything. Working together, having dinner, dancing like loons in the kitchen and just talking about a million things is just the thing I've been really missing. I do not want to lose any moment of this, so I'm waking up in the morning, before everybody does, so I can run for an hour and still be ready for the preparations. Jonathan usually comes with me. We don't get to talk much, but his presence is somehow soothing. I don't know why and I really do not care. We actually work together all day, which makes Eve happy. She told me she wasn't expecting for us to be so mature about it. But I think we've come a long road and we can be around each other, like normal people do. The past is just that. The past.