I'm Fucking Fine, Okay? - EraserMic -

8

!!!TW!!!

SH, suicidal ideation

Chapter 8

I open my eyes, and am met immediately with the stare of Recovery Girl.

'What the hell did you do?' She smiles. 'I healed you, but you passed out. You must've had a broken hand' Hizashi comes over, helping me up. Damn. I forgot she could do that. Stupid. I immediatly wobble, falling into his side. He catches me.

'You don't just kiss people without their consent Chiyo'. She giggles. 'Sorry Aizawa, but I didn't really have a choice'. Hizashi guides me down to the bed; I don't have enough energy to fight it. He tucks me in.

'Can I at least go home? Rest there?' Hizashi looks at Recovery Girl with a warning glance, so she turns to me with a soft face.

'I don't think that's wise. I want to keep an eye on that hand'. I huff. 'Fine, could I at least get some sleep?' They all nod, heading out the room. Hizashi however remains put.

'What do you want Yamada' I glare at him with all the hate I can muster. 'It's just, well, I want to ask...' He trails off, looking at me with pity.

'Are you okay? I saw, well, I thought I saw-'

'-You didn't see anything' I snap back at him.

Way to go. Very inconspicuous.

'O-okay. Nevermind then.' He gets up to go.

'What did you tell the others' I ask.

He looks around back at me. 'I-I just said I was worried about you, and you vanished from your flat.'

I raise my eyebrow at him. 'I swear, that's everything!' I huff. 'Fine. Please leave'. He looks at me pleadingly.

You need to hurt him. You need to get him to stay away from you, or you'll just cause more hurt.

'I'm fucking fine, okay? Leave me alone'. He remainds still. 'I'm not leaving you' he whispers. I scoff. 'Fucking hell Yamada. Do you really want me to spell it out for you? I don't WANT you around anymore, got it? You're loud, annoying, you irritate the shit out of me. I've never liked you. Just put up with your bullshit. So please, FUCK OFF'.

Tears stream down his face.

Look what you've done. It's all your fault.

'I'm not going Sho'.

He hates you.

'FUCKING LEAVE' I scream. 'GET OUT!' He jumps, the hurries out the room. I begin crying, sobbing into my pillow.

Well done. He hates you now, you're finally free.

'I'm free'. A small smile appears on my face. I gently pull up my sleeve, checking my bandages. Okay they haven't been touched. They don't know about the cutting. I smile wider, which turns into a giggle, which turns into a laugh.

I'M FREE! Tears flow from my eyes, and laugher flows from my mouth. Finally, fucking free from this shitty life.

You should celebrate.

How should I celebrate?

Well, firstly you need to hurt yourself for hurting Yamada. Then you can celebrate by killing yourself.

I wipe my tears. I slide out of the bed, looking around the room for anything sharp. Dammit. Nothing.

My eyes lazily wander over to a penpot. Bingo. I take one of the plastic pens, and roughly snap it in half. I pick out a large shard of plastic, throwing the rest away, hiding it deep under the rubbish.

I head into the bathroom, locking the door. I unravel my bandages. All my cuts have been healed, and have become scars.

Well we can't have that can we?

I place the plastic onto my skin, and begin opening up every single scar I have on my body.

One for hurting Hizashi. Two for hurting Nem. Three for Yagi. Four for Chiyo. Five for Nezu-

I am a machine, working my way through both arms, torso, legs, shoulders. Anything. Anything that can make me feel pain. It's running everywhere. I'm smiling, the red is everywhere. It's perfect.

'Sho?' I hear a soft voice come from the otherside of the door. Fuck. Not again. I start to hyperventilate. He can't see me like this. No, no, no no no no no no.

I crash around, doing my best to bandage everything up. 'I thought I told you to fuck off?' I muster, although my voice cracks half way through the sentence.

'Sho, you've been telling me to fuck off for the past fifteen years. You really think that that's going to work on me?'. I finish bandaging up my left arm. I begin on my right arm.

'I have no idea what you're going through. But, is it anything to do with Oboro?' Shit. Shit shit shit shit-

'N-no' I mumble, finally finishing up my right arm. Legs are next.

Hizashi sighs through the door. 'I- I miss him too Sho. But, you can't keep blaming yourself-'

'I-I don't' I say, finishing up my legs. I begin looking for bandages for my torso. Shit? I realise i've run out. Just have to pray it doesn't bleed through my clothes.

I wipe the floor with loo roll, throwing it into the toilet as I go. 'Dude, I'm going to give you three seconds before I break down this door. And I'd rather not get Chiyo mad at me'.

Shit. I fumble with the flush, watching the bloody bowl disappear agonizingly slowly. Hurry hurry hurry -

'Three.'

Flush faster goddam it!

'Two.'

Come on come on come on...

'One'. The toilet finishes flushing, and I yank open the door. There's just an awkward few seconds of us looking at eachother. Hizashi pushes past me into the toilet and begins looking around.

FUCK. THE PLASTIC. What did I do with it? I suddenly see it, on the foor by the shower. As silently as I can, I activate my capture weapon, bringing the plastic to me. I shove it in my pocket.

Hizashi walks up to me, eyes staring at me.

'Where is it?' I look as innocent as I can.

'You know what.' I tilt my head. 'I honestly don't know what you're talking about Yamada.' He gently grabs me by my arm, but I don't even wince. I'm relishing the pain all over my body.

You deserve it.

He pulls me over to a desk, where the rest of the broken pen sits.

'I saw you throw something away in the bin, then head into the bathroom. You were in there for quite a while, so I decided to check it out. And I found this'.

He points at the pen.

'Part of it is missing Shota. Would you like to kindly explain to me where it is?'

My whole world is unravelling. I hear a ringing in my ears. Shit. Am I panicking. Is it bloodloss? Who knows at this point.

'I'm taking a walk' I say, pushing past him. He grabs my arm, pulling me into a hug. 'You're not going anywhere'. I begin to fight him, activating my capture weapon.

'GET THE FUCK OFF ME YAMADA' He squeezes harder. 'I'm not letting you go. I-I can't Sho. You mean everything to me'.

He's lying. He pities you. You need to leave.

I thrash, and squeeze, but no matter what I do, I can't get him off me. Eventually I give up, lying in the hug. Waiting for him to let me go.

We stand there for what seems like ages. He begins to stroke my hair, something he used to do when we were kids, after Oboro died. He slowly unclasps. I wait, not wanting to miss my chance. Finally, he lowers his guard.

I dart out the door, running away from UA.

'SHO WAIT-'

You've got no choice. He knows. You know he knows.

Okay. Time to die I guess.