One Cold Day in Hell

A Cold Winter Day

It's cold today. Really cold. It feels as if hell itself has frozen over. Otherwise I can't comprehend why there is no warmth to be felt anywhere. I swear, these winter gloves are useless.

Those were the thoughts that started the day of January 24th 1944. We had been announced in advance that this was the day we were finally getting deployed. I say we, because I too am part of this division. The 20th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS. It has been made up from previous volunteers of Estonia and some new. I was part of the new ones. I am not completely sure why I chose to join the SS. I'm not necessarily a lover of the Germans, neither do I love the Soviets. I just kind of acknowledge their existence. And now, their battle for control.

It wasn't always this way. We used to be free. The Estonians I mean. Me? Not so much. Even then, not many people liked me. Must have something to do with my appearance. I mean, how many people would want to be friends with some mix between a human and an animal. For some reason the Higher-ups of the SS were very interested in me. Their head, Heinrich Himmler or something like that, was especially interested in me. But, I managed to avoid too much attention. And joined the SS. I didn't fit in here anyway, so I might as well leave and see where life takes me.

For the last time, I get up from my bed and check myself in the mirror in my room. We were allowed to go back home for one night before we were deployed. And mom, while sad, understood why I did this. It was for the best, I thought. That's what it always is, right?

In the mirror I see the same thing I have for about 2 years now. A short, 4'5 Fox-looking "abomination", as I've heard some call me, staring back at me with disgust. I've never really hated myself too much. This is how I was born. I can't exactly do anything about it. But sometimes, I wonder, if I was born normal, what would I be doing now? Would I be playing around with my friends outside? Would I find myself a boyfriend? Whatever. Not like it matters now.

I continue checking myself in the mirror. I usually sleep naked when alone, so there is nothing hidden from my eyes. My curves could be called attractive, my boobs, while not the biggest, are still good enough. And they're soft. Sometimes I would just end up sitting in front of the mirror playing with them . Anyway, I finally pry my eyes off of myself and start getting dressed. A woman joining the army, especially the SS is not a normal thing in these times. So they had to order me a personalised uniform from Berlin. Of course, the fact I have paws does not help my situation either. But, in the end, everything was well.

I put on my thigh highs, panties and then look towards the bra on the floor. Sometimes I like wearing one, especially if I wear something more revealing. But now, I'm going to wear a uniform. So I just skip over that and start getting dressed. The standard issue pants and shirt fit me very well, the boots, while a bit hard to get into, are actually quite comfortable, and the jacket that comes over my shirt hides my breasts and nipples perfectly. Oh, and it also warms me up a little.

I start looking for the winter gloves I was given, only to find them on my hands. It seems I forgot to take them off last night. I have no clue how I'm going to survive this. I can barely function without a cup of coffee in the morning, so how am I going to be able to fight at any hour of the day or night on nothing but rations? I've heard we will get some sort of coffee. Ersatz coffee or something like that. But god knows what they put in that thing. And real coffee? Maybe if I get lucky, but it's probably not going to be the same. Speaking of, I still have time for one cup before I have to gather at the village's conscription centre.

I open the door to my room to find mom already brewing me a cup of coffee. It's like she read my mind. I smile towards her and sit down at the table, still half asleep, waiting for it to be ready.