One Cold Day in Hell

What a Time to be Alive

As I finally woke up the sun outside was starting to set and yet both Eevi and Asta were still next to me, still in my warm embrace. As I looked at them their cute sleep faces made me question if I was really ready to go through the possibility of one of them dying, but my conviction and certainty only grew in regards to one thing. Protecting them. No matter what, seeing them like this made me realise even more just how dear they really are to me. I mean, of course, I was already pretty certain that they were dear to me but... Ugh, what am I even saying. I suppose I'm still a bit tired. Both from just waking up and from everything that happened before falling asleep. I think back to all of it. And once I get past all of the... more pleasurable moments of everything that happened, my mind finally goes back to the reason why Asta was currently in my room, sleeping next to me. Well, perhaps that was not exactly the reason for it, I'd say what happened after those news was more of a reason for her sleeping here. My mind keeps slipping towards those moments. For some reason my mind can only think about it, perhaps trying to ignore the shocking news, hiding it in the back of my mind, covered by what it deemed as more pleasurable and more easy to understand. Everything we did, every moment when our bodies were intertwined together, that is something easy to understand. Something I wanted to understand, to remember, to keep in mind. Something I wanted to see when I closed my eyes. But... what came before that... that's not something I really want to remember. Even now I try to go back and find Asta's words in my mind. I try to find out whether what I remember saying truly happened. Looking at them now, peacefully sleeping in my arms, it almost seems insane. Here we are, resting like this, meanwhile, from what Asta said, the Reich is pulling itself apart, tearing itself into pieces, with the Wehrmacht fighting the SS. And that would be us. Which means we would have to fight other Germans simply because of their alignment to the cause. To be fully fair, I don't even think most of the people in the SS are that aligned to Himmler's cause. It's more of a fear thing. Fear of whatever the hell he might do to someone that betrayed one of his SS regiments. Sure, for that he would need to win this stupid civil war, but from what I know from Asta he seems to have the best chance. Then again, I start to question it again. After what we did, looking at our current situation, is there truly such a situation happening out there? Is the Reich truly falling apart? On one hand I don't exactly have a reason not to trust Asta about this, but then again, do I really have a reason to trust her about this? No, of course I do. Just thinking about all of the time we spent together, all of the things we did, surely she wouldn't just lie about this. But then, if it's all true, how do we get out of this? What exactly are we supposed to do?

"Amber? What's the matter?"

Asta's voice comes from my side in a very sleepy tone. I look towards her and she still seems half-asleep, but she's all trying to check on me.

"Nothing. Did I wake you up?"

"No, no, don't worry... Are you also thinking if it's true?"

I look towards her a questioning look on my face. She lets out a yawn before continuing her idea.

"You know, the war. Are you also wondering if it's true?"

I move my gaze back towards the ceiling, staring at it as if it might offer me the answer I've been looking for. But even so, there is nothing. Nothing but my own thoughts, running wild through my own head. Yet there are no answers to be seen anywhere.

"Which one?" I say, more as a joke than anything. But even so, it does seem like Asta has an answer for it.

"Both of them." A silence follows for a while before Asta finally finds the words to continue her idea. "You know, sometimes I sit in my office and think about all of it. About this World War we're currently in. If it was all even real. But then I went out there. Remember what we did to that village? Remember those people? What did they do to deserve that? Why was it needed to kill all of them like that? You went in there, you had to get rid of them, right? You understand this better than I do."