A Court of Ice and Starshine (Book II)

Chapter 19

As they continued, the weather took a turn for the worse. The visibility became so poor that they couldn't see more than five feet in front of them. They sought refuge in a nearby cafe, where the owner warmly welcomed them. Seated at a table by the window, they settled in. Lowen reached out through her bond with Azriel, her fingers gently tracing his mental shields. She could almost sense a shiver from him.

Where are you?

Trapped in a small café with Cassian. Might be a little later than intended.

Would you like me to come save you?

She chuckled lightly.

No, nothing is visible out there right now. We're waiting until it is and then will venture back out.

We'll wait here for you then.

She turned her focus to the steaming mug of coffee sitting on the table and wrapped her hands around it, enjoying the warmth as she took a sip.

"Nes may not be handling her pain properly...but at least she's handling it," Cassian remarked abruptly, drawing Lowen's attention.

"Tell me more," Lowen urged, and he let out a sigh, absently toying with his own cup.

"Ever since we returned, we've all been finding ways to distract ourselves from the war," Cassian began, his voice thoughtful.

"Rhys throws himself into solving the next big problem, Feyre immerses herself in Solstice preparations, Amren is off with Varian in Summer Court, Mor's hardly around, always off doing her own thing. And Az..." he trailed off, but her full attention was on him now as she placed her mug back on the table.

"Don't hold back," she encouraged in a hushed tone, and he let out another sigh, his hand briefly grazing his face.

"He's...Az. He doesn't give much away...on anything," he chuckled, and she offered him a weak smile.

It was not an unexpected revelation.

"So, you tried to talk to him—them about the war and its various...aspects?" she asked casually, and Cassian nodded, his eyes fixed on the storm outside.

"All of them at one point. But they all deflected in their own unique way," he admitted quietly.

A pause hung in the air.

Lowen was about to speak when Cassian turned to her, his intense gaze locking onto hers.

"Speaking of the war and its various...aspects. Has he spoken to you about any of it?" he asked and she shook her head slowly.

"Well, you should try to get him to. He should talk to someone about it. They all should, but...his scream still haunts me on some nights. He shouldn't hold that in," he said firmly, and her eyes widened.

"His scream?" she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper.

Cassian nodded, then shuddered involuntarily.

"I grew up with Az. I've witnessed nearly every emotion that's crossed his face. I've heard him cry out in pain and shout in anger. Rare moments, but I've been there to witness them all," he paused.

Then he shook his head, struggling to articulate his thoughts.

"But when you went so still on the battlefield..."

Lowen observed Cassian's struggle to convey the depth of Azriel's distress. His eyes grew glassy, and he cleared his throat before shaking his head again.

"It's impossible to truly describe the sound. It was as if all the pain and suffering Az had ever experienced had been compressed into a single, devastating scream. I've heard countless screams on the battlefield, seen death and destruction, but none of it could have prepared me for that sound."