Dazai angst omg!

Realization of laughter!! :3 1/?

This is still angst I just felt silly. Also the realization part is more abt the fact I realized most of this book will be me projecting onto dazai 🧍‍♂️minor rant rq: Dazai is an alcoholic. I hate how the fandom only acknowledges Chuuya as one. Dazai and chuuya are both alcoholics. Stfu if you disagree /hj

Oh maybe minor Kunikidazai if you squint, turn sideways, and fall over

Erm!! Mostly based off of like him masking his true emotions so idk

Tw for self harm

Dazai is my lil pookie wookie :3

Also, most of my fics are hurt no comfort, this is hurt comfort :3

WARNING!! THE STORIES THAT ARE ALL CONNECTED IN THIS BOOK START HERE, IT DOES HAVE A SAD ENDING, SO BE WARNED!

———

Dazai smiled a lot. Didn't really mean much to him, but he presumed it made others believe he was okay. He really wasn't, but smiling made it better.

He did a lot of things he didn't mean. Said a lot of things he didn't mean, too. Almost everything he did wasn't really what he meant. He was a good actor. He even mostly had Ranpo fooled, even if it was harder. Putting up a facade, if you do it long enough becomes easy. That's true for most things, he supposed.

He sighed, resting his hand in his palm as he zoned out, staring at Kunikida. Kunikida was a much better worker than him, at least in this job. He always told Dazai off for being lazy, or just doing things he shouldn't be doing on the job. Whatever, it's not like it matters in the long run. He knows he does fine, even if sometimes he does stupid shit.

It seemed he zoned out for too long, because he felt someone shaking him "Dazai! Get out of the office, it's time to go home." "Sorrryyy Kunikida~" "Just shut up and leave!" He smiled and got up, opening the door to the office and leaving.

He arrived at his door, opening it and walking towards his bed and sitting down. He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes. He smiled, not genuinely, but he smiled. He looked back down, glancing at the bandages carefully wrapped around his arms, thinking back to when Chuuya would have helped him with the bandages. He exhaled, removing the bandages off both of his arms and staring down at the scars that scattered across his arms.

He stared at them. He could ruin this. He hadn't done this in a while. There was a lot of faded scars now, and majority of the scars were healing as he stared down at them. He could just.. ruin this. With one slash of a knife, anything sharp really, he could ruin something he was proud of. He doesn't deserve things he's proud of. He doesn't deserve a lot of things. To be called human, to live, to have true happiness, just to name a few. He felt sick all of a sudden, tearing his gaze away from his arms and squeezing his eyes shut as the nauseas feeling diminished slowly. He sighed, getting up and walking towards his bathroom to grab two things.

He arrived, immediately grabbing a razor and a roll of bandages, leaving the room quickly and sitting on his bed. He glanced at the razor he had just placed next to him, along with the bandages. His eyes drifted away from the items, though his mind ran too fast for him to stay focused on one thing. He grabbed the razor and drew a line across his arm, the feeling of pain almost like a release from the numbness he consistently felt each day. He drew another line, and another, and another. There were about 7 wounds bleeding out on his arm before he pulled the razor away with a shaky hand.

He stared down at his arm, almost feeling disoriented from stopping. It gave him feeling when he cut. He grabbed the roll of bandages beside him and wrapping them around his injured arm. He laid down with his arms spread out, closing his eyes for a moment. He opened them again, staring at the bottle of alcohol beside him.