Dazai angst omg!

Water Feels Like Bullets

Guys idk how to tell you this but im not continuing the story from the past chapters. I alr said this in that chapter but some of you seem desperate so uh... that's not happening.

Feel free to interpret the ending however you want though! And if you want to continue the story with Dazai living I'm good with that just be sure to credit me:) 

Sorry about the late update like I said, hiatus. 

This is just a one shot

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Dazai hated the mafia, or atleast hated the time he spent there. He hated having to lose his childhood to the murdering filled life that is the port mafia. He hated almost everyone in the mafia. He hated the way he treated them and vice versa when he was in the mafia. He hated ever living in that wrenched place, but atleast he didn't die there. He'd rather die having survived the mafia then take a weak man's route and off himself to escape the hell hole. 

Despite all of this, he still missed the cold and heartless place called the Port Mafia sometimes. When he sat on the floor of his room, simply staring at the unchanging ceiling as the rain could be faintly heard through his window. The place that he despised so much still had him wanting to come back. He'll never admit it to himself, obviously. But he wanted to go back. At least in the mafia he didn't have to worry about them asking questions about why his arm hurts, why he's acting so fucking weak, or why he's crying. They just go with what they think is right, snapping at people as soon as they express any sadness. Even Mori did this. It was never super intense, just slapping or punching. He didn't do it very often, but when he did it was obviously Dazai's fault. He could have just been a good kid, could have done what Mori asked him to do. Stopped doing it when Mori asked, listened for once in his god forsaken life. He missed Mori, sometimes. He didn't have to hide stuff from him, because even if he did there was no point. Mori always found out, whether it was him cutting again, or just making one tiny mistake. It shouldn't have even mattered, but he got hit so maybe he's wrong. Like usual, like always. 

He missed other parts of the mafia, like chuuya, or Oda. Especially Odasaku. He wished he could switch him and oda's places. He could have died, and Oda could have lived. But he had to go ahead and ruin that, not much of a surprise with his track record. He kind of wished he could switch and Chuuya's fates as well. Maybe staying in the mafia would have finally killed him, and Chuuya would be happier. Maybe he would be happy.  

Maybe he could be happy.

The thoughts slipped out of his mind, he got up and opened the washroom door, a small cream echoing through the mostly empty house. He flicked the light on, though it was dim from the damage to the bulb. It was always there, he could never seem to fix it how hard he tried. He didn't bother asking others for help since it didn't really need the fixing, and it didn't matter too much. As he stepped into the mildly lit room he stepped towards the tub, twisting the handle of the spout till water began to flow into the hollow tub. It was loud but he didn't mind that much, simply stepping into the shallow water. He sat down and took off his bandages, he didn't mind that much if people saw his scars this time around. He was planning on not needing to answer any questions. 

He laid back in the steadily filling tub, closing his eyes at the slight sting of the water due to it brushing against the scabs on his arms. He felt it dampen his clothes slightly, uncomfortable but it's fine. He moved himself, his head against the floor of the tub as the water began to cover his head, and his body. He kept his eyes  closed, feeling the water enter his lungs, it felt like a burning sensation. As if boiling water was coursing through his body. But he'd be okay, he'd done this before and the pain was worth it if it meant he could finally leave this disgusting planet. 

The harder it became to breathe the harder it was to not jolt upwards and gasp desperately for air, but he didn't. He moved his arms up, his hands clutching the wall as of the tub as he began to drown. He felt dizzy, as if water was filling up his head, and spilling out through his eyes. He didn't open his eyes, too scared to see someone looking down at him as he tried again. He felt his arms lose their strength as he lost energy, he hated how his body fought to live, how his blood poured out whenever he dragged a razor across his arms. Hated how he was called human. His body felt heavy, like a rock sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Maybe it was his lungs, water engulfing them.

He started shaking slightly, it was cold. But it was going to fine. Better than fine. He'd be happy.

He.. was happy. The shaking, the hatred, the pain it all went away. For a second, he felt happy.

For a second he was still alive. 

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Mb for killing him off again I felt silly

This was going to be a Mori and Dazai angst originally but I just kind of forogr

Anyways hope you liked this chapter i love you all sm and all the support has been wonderful 

So sorry this is short didn't even break 1k words I'm very tired 

<3