Dazai angst omg!

Learning time! 7/???????

THANK YOU SOOO FUCKING MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT EVERYONE🫶🫶🫶

I'm getting glasses in 2 weeks, also my iPad is FINALLY fixed ‼️

I'm so sorry if I took way to long, I hope that this chapter suffices:)

I'm feeling mostly better, so hopefully more often updates<3 trying very hard to update 🩵

BY THE WAY! DAZAI AND YOSANO HAVE A SIBLING RELATIONSHIP IN THIS FIC, I WILL NEVER, *NEVER* SHIP THEM. 

Guys guys just to clarify; Dazai is an incredibly tragic and complex character- but. He is also not pure, he's far from it. People who claim he's a saint are as wrong as those who claim he's pure evil. Pure evil isn't capable of doing certain things Dazai has done. A saint isn't capable of some things Dazai has done. For gods sake he was in the mafia. Dazai is evidently trying to change in some form, and though I believe he doesn't care too much about good or bad, he stayed with the ADA. He's trying to change to make Oda proud. He cares even just a bit about being a good person. I don't condone this man's terrible actions I js like making angst and I want to clarify that I don't support his ass actions.

Also touch starved Dazai canon he looked me in the eyes and told me

I might put Soukoku in a future chapter. (There might just maybe be some in the chapter teehee)

(☆ω☆)

—————————-—————————-—————————-

"He'll be fine Atsushi, I have to do medical work so visit later, okay?" "Okay-.." "..."

Silence followed this, before quiet footsteps shifted the peace of said silence. "Dazai?" A quiet voice, ".." was not answered. The doctor sat down at the edge of the bed her coworker was lying down on, sighing softly.

"..." Dazai slowly opened his eyes, quickly shutting them as he noticed the doctor. Mori, definitely. Couldn't be anyone else. "Dazai..?" He slowed his heartbeat, but that didn't stop his quick breathing. "You are awake, I can tell." It's definitely Mori, who else could it be? Not Yosano. Yosano couldn't care enough to do all of this. To lay him down on a medical bed. "It's Doctor Yosano, Dazai." He didn't believe her fully. Yosano didn't care this much, hopefully. Yosano reached toward his hand, grasping it gently "Your safe, okay?" But at the same time, despite the 'care' Mori showed for him, he wouldn't comfort him if he was panicky, nervous. "Yosano-sensei?" He said quietly, his eyes opening. "Good morning, Dazai." He stiffened. "Who..Saw me, like that? I think Kunikida and Atsushi, right?" He felt himself slightly relax, only two people saw him. The ones easy to fool. The dumb ones. Even if he cared slightly for them, they were so easy to fool, manipulate. "Kunikida and Atsushi, yes. The President also had to see you once you fell asleep. He.." she trailed off, pulling her hand away from Dazai's. "He said he wanted to speak to you once your done being checked on." "Of course." Dazai felt himself spiral slightly, as if her thoughts were forming a hurricane. "Dazai, I think you should take some time off work you've had a lot of panic attacks and I-" "I'm fiiinee, Yosano." Taking a break was the last thing in his mind. He could never quit. He'd be betraying the one fucking thing he ever followed through with.

Protecting people.

"..Are you feeling alright, Dazai?" "Everything is good, yep!" Yosano sighed. "Please stop with the facade, but you should visit the president, okay?" He smiled, getting up before pausing. "Is everyone else still in the office..?" She sighed "Dazai you're intelligent, you only slept for 20 minutes. Yes, They are." He sighed, slowing down his heart beat as he quietly walked out of Yosano's office. 

"DAZAI!" His trip to the presidents office was interrupted by Atsushi rushing towards him, hugging him... He still has mixed feelings on hugs, but they almost made him feel as if the disguise he put up pretending to be human was working. He gently pat Atsushi's back, smiling. "Hello Atsushi." Atsushi smiled and pulling away from the hug "I'msogladyou'reokayIgotsoscaredand-" "Calm down, I'm fine. I have to meet up with the president for a moment, sorry Atsushi." Atsushi sighed. "no no that's okay." He smiled, quickly hugging Dazai once again before rushing back to his work. Dazai glanced at him as he left, noticing a worried expression on Kunikida's face, who was notably looking at him as well. Dazai smiled before turning away and walking towards the presidents office. He opened the door hesitantly, walking in and standing in front of Fukuzawa's desk. "Dazai, I'm sure Yosano told you I wanted to talk?" He nodded. He couldn't bring himself to speak. Speaking when Mori was talking about 'important' stuff ended with him being bandaged up. He knew Fukuzawa wasn't like that, but the two of them felt like the same person almost. "..Dazai, I want you to take time off of work." He gasped softly. "I-I have a lot of work to do. May I finish that first?" "I can give it to the others." He sighed, nodding. No need to argue. No point if all that will happen is pain. He'll get hit, maybe start bleeding. Definitely. That's what he usually does. Mori always does tha-. . . "You'll only be gone for a couple days if that's all you want, but you've clearly not been doing okay. I care about my employees mental health." He nodded. "You can return by Wednesday at earliest since it's Monday, though next Monday is at latest," he was sure if he was still putting up his lazy facade he would have asked to have as much time as possible off, but there was no point. Everyone knew everything. Everyone was watching him. Everyone had eyes on him. 

"You are dismissed, but please talk to your coworkers if you are feeling down." Dazai nodded, lying. Why would he talk to them?  He has no reason to. They don't care, don't need to be involved in his mess. Even if they do care, it won't last. If it does, nothing good will come from it. Just like what happened with Odasaku. 

He hesitated for a moment before quickly exiting. Don't let him have a chance to strike. Don't give anyone a chance, just keep moving. Avoid their stares and words, they don't need to be involved in your life. 

He walked out of Fukuzawa's office and froze. Where is he supposed to go? Should he just leave? "Dazai-!" Ah great, Ranpo. "Uhm-.." Ranpo paused. He looked.. nervous, for once. "..I wanted to talk to you about something." "Go ahead..!" Dazai smiled. 

"..I- Yosano and I rather- wanted to Uhm.." he sighed "It sounds a bit silly, but do you need a hug? You've been so panicky recently and-" "I'm not a chil-" Ranpo cut him off "You've said that before, Yosano said. Dazai, you're one of the smartest people I know compared to me." He paused "how you fail to comprehend the fact that hugs aren't just for children is beyond me." Dazai stared for a moment, how did he not understand? It's so simple, yet somehow the words just don't correlate. Why can't he get it? "So I'll ask you again-.. Do you need a hug?" The words felt comforting despite the sense of demand coming from them. "..Alright." Dazai sighed, smiling softly.

He was embraced by Ranpo, a welcome change. He's not hugged often, he's not against the feeling. It's, nice. Warm compared to the empty husky of a human he usually is.  He wrapped his arms around the others back as well. Silence was all he really needed, it's what had happened last time and he felt, happy? Then as well. "Thank you, Ranpo." Ranpo smiled, pulling away from the hug. "Anytime Dazai! Now enjoy that break, hm?" Dazai smiled blankly, a fake one now. The temporary warmth from the hug had made him forget that he would be leaving, leaving the warmth, the light. The good side. "Right." He waved as Ranpo walked away, freezing for a moment before leaving the office. Leaving the closest thing to a home he had since the mafia. Since Chuuya. Since Odasaku. 

As he walked into his house he felt cold, empty. Though it's not uncommon it felt more upsetting knowing that he could have been somewhere warmer, safer, home, if he could have just kept being stable. Kept being happy, kept 'joking' about suicide. Keeping that dark and empty husky that claimed to be human away from their delicate eyes, careful not to fracture their innocence as Mori had his. He sat down on his bed, not bothering to cut, or drink. He had no energy. He felt drained and empty. Missing something. Missing that same warmth that was brought when he was hugged. 

The world around him seemed so warm, soft. "Oi, Dazai, what do you think we'll do when we're older." "Obviously we'll be executives together, or at least I'll be one. I'm not sure a dog suits that position." He smiled, staring at the blurry sky. "DAMN YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES!" he was tackled by Chuuya, smiling as the other shouted profanity in his ear. Despite finding it funny, it was nice. Warm. Better than that cold doctors office in which Mori, who claimed to care for him brought him. When Mori hugged him it felt more like snow was in casing him, rather than Chuuya, who felt like the sun itself.

He woke up, smiling. 

Ah.

He misses Chuuya.

———————

THANK YOU SOOO SOOSOSOSO MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT LOVE YOU ALL SMSMSMSMSMM 

Uhm but thanks for letting me take a breather chat 🙏🙏🙏🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯

Soukoku canon I saw them kissing with my own eyes /j