Dazai angst omg!

Lifelessness can be lost through passage 5/??????

Genuinely just thought the name of this chapter was cool theres no thought behind it im sorry guys anyways Yosano and Dazai siblings canon

SOMEONE ADDED THIS INTO A LIBRARY AND IT WAS THE FIRST THING IN THE LIBRARY I FEEL SO SPECIAL AHHHHHHH!!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS SOSOSOSSOSOOIOOOO MUCH AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU MATTER MORE THAN YOU THINK<3333

guys if my chapters take long to write its because i take a long time to think of how the story will play out so that its nicely written<3333 also bcuz my ipad is currently being repaired so i have to write using my laptop which i cant use very often:(

honestly i adore that this fic is getting a bit more recognition :3 ALSO IM SORRY IF THE WRITING ISNT AS GOOD ITS BCUZ I SUCK AT TYPING ON MY LAPTOP CUZ THE KEYBOARD IS WEIRD AS HELL

my wife is the best (her name is moon say hi in the comments or else..heh..youll see my dark side..)

anyone who has had a panic attack please tell me if i did okay writing this. i want to make sure i have good writing and dont send misinformation out to you guys

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"Hm?" Dazai opened his eyes, glancing at Ranpo and Kunikida, smiling slightly. "Is something wrong?" "Well first of all you just got up and left when i told you to get back t-" Kunikida was cut off by Ranpo covering his mouth, much to his dismay. "Kunikida, shut up. i only called you here because you also need to be made aware of the situation regarding Dazai." Kunikida made a frustrated expression, though didn't say anything due to his curiosity surrounding whatever was happening with Dazai. "Dazai, though we respect your privacy, safety comes first. earlier today Yosano made me and the president aware of your situation." Dazai felt his heart rate increase, quickly trying to slow it down, though he couldn't seem to. his heart rate rapidly increased and decreased every couple seconds, causing him to hyperventilate. he couldn't seem to calm down. "I-I uhm-.. I-" he quickly stopped talking. stuttering wasn't okay. Mori hurt him when he stuttered. told him showing weakness wasn't okay. told him he wasn't okay. that he was a bad dog. he was useless. he didn't deserve the care Mori so graciously showed his sorry ass. he didn't deserve anything, really. none of the shit the ADA puts up with. "Daz-" he heard a faint voice that he couldn't seem to recognize echo in his ear. His thoughts were scattered, he felt tears begin to gather in his eyes, though the feeling was distant as if he wasn't actually in his body. as if it wasn't his own. a distant feeling he hadn't..ever felt, filled his head. the feeling of being a child. but, he wasn't one. he..never was one.. he felt his head begin to pound intensely as breathing became less of a task and more of a challenge. his chest felt as if it was being tugged on by an invisible source and his throat was being closed like a door that was only open when it wanted to be. he couldn't produce a clear thought as of all of his thoughts were tripping and crashing into each other at the slightest notion of a coherent one being formed. all he felt was panic. and fear. ... fear?

"Daza-!" he felt the world blur in and out from his senses as if he was dying. he hoped he was. "DA-!" suddenly everything went blank, he gasped for air desperately before the world around him was caved in by black and he fell into a deep sleep from passing out.

Dazai looked around him, what had just happened? he looked down, noticing the fact that he was in his mafia uniform. "Dazai." the voice made him anxious at the thought of ever being near whoever it was again. why couldn't he recognize them? they towered over him as if he were a child, a hand reaching for his arm. he couldn't move, so he tried to scream, but nothing came out of his mouth. he was helpless for the first time since..Mori..Mori! he fell back despite his previous immobility, scrambling away, running towards the open door, only for it to slam shut from some invisible force.  he opened his mouth only for nothing to leave it as if his vocal cords were ripped out and used to play a somber song that only he could hear.

He gasped, waking up in Yosano's office. he looked around him, the dimly lit room almost comforted him at the memory of actually being cared for by someone, even if that someone was Mori. He gently rubbed the tears that had began to form in his eyes,  looking at the curtain covering the area he was laid in. he flinched away as light drifted in, the curtain being opened by the ADA's doctor. "Dazai-san." "Yosano-sensei, why am i here?"  "You were believed to have a panic attack when Ranpo-san told you something regarding your..situation. or, no not believed, you did have a panic attack." Dazai exhaled softly, he didn't know how to react. was he supposed to start panicking again? was he supposed to be angry? "..May i go home, Yosano-Sensei?" "Dazai, i cant just let you go home after you had a panic attack for the first time in your records." "..." Dazai remembered when he had a panic attack previously. Mori didn't appreciate it. he remembered being cared for Mori afterwards. During this time Mori was still his doctor. Only his doctor. "Can I at least ask you some questions before you run off to your house to do who knows what?" Dazai smiled, nodding. "..Do you know why you had a panic attack?" "Probably because you disclosed PRIVATE information, hm?" he was being incredibly passive aggressive, which got on Yosano's nerves slightly. "..Dazai, I would have respect for your privacy until doing so endangers you. I only told two people." "and one of those people doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut, and told Kunikida." Dazai glared at Yosano. "..Ranpo was as concerned for your safety as I am. Telling your partner is important."  "..I'm going home." Dazai got up, only for the exit to be blocked by Yosano. "..I-..Uh-.." Dazai sighed and sat back down. he expected this, considering the fact that she was questioning him over something so small. "Dazai, I know you wont appreciate this but-" she paused, walking towards Dazai. He was breathing quickly, clearly spiraling into another panic attack. "Dazai-" He looked at her for a moment before quickly backing away. he couldn't get his thoughts straight. obviously that was Mori, right? Mori was there, not Yosano. Mori was gonna hurt him, right? like he always did. his chest tensed up, he gasped for air, unable to breath properly.

"Dazai." Yosano placed her hand on his back, trying to ground him in reality. "Its Yosano-sensei." Dazai heard her, slightly, his chest easing up. "Y-Yosano-sensei?" He gasped softly, feeling the pulling feeling at his lungs slowly vanish, taking deep and shaky breaths. "..Dazai, are you okay?" She frowned, concerned. "..I'm fine, M-...Yosano-sensei." She sighed, opening her arms for a hug. "..I don't need a hug, I'm not a child." 'i never was..' was a thought that popped into his mind as he spoke. "Hugs aren't just for children." Dazai set aside his mild confusion at that notion. He'd let Yosano hug him before, it doesn't matter if he lets her again, right?

He fell onto her shoulder, letting her embrace him. "I..Thought you were someone else." "Dazai, you had a past in the mafia, right?" "mh..Yeah, but it wasn't.." he wanted to say it wasn't that bad, but he couldn't bring himself to let another lie spill from his lips. "What was..Your position..?" Dazai closed his eyes, slightly tired from the panic he had so recently felt. "..Executive." Yosano gasped softly, though quickly covered her mouth. "But your only 22- When were you.. You had to have-..You-.." She sighed, pulling Dazai closer to her and resting her head on his. despite her being shorter, Dazai almost looked like a child considering the situation. "Did you know Mori?" the name felt bitter on her tongue, as if she had just bit into a dead rat. "..He was, my mentor, in a way." Yosano felt her face become filled with anger, though took a deep breath, trying to stay calm around her already panicked coworker. "..What was he like?" "..You have experience with him, so I'm sure you would know.." he paused. "But- he was, unpleasant to say the very least. he was my doctor at first, but even then he wasn't very likable." "You..Mistook me for Mori, when you were having a panic attack, right?" Dazai didn't respond verbally, only nodding somberly. "..Its not your fault..I'm sure you had less than terrible experiences with doctors.." "..Yeah"

There was peace for a while, just silence as the two embraced each other, bonding over the shared traumas despite no words being spoken.

For the first time since..ever, Dazai felt genuinely loved.

Felt actually cared for.

Felt happy.

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GAHHH I HOPE THIS SUFFICES FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER LAST TIME!!! I HONESTLY HC THAT DAZAI AND YOSANO HAD THIS AWKWARD TENSION BETWEEN THEM FOR A WHILE BEFORE THEY FOUND OUT THEY BOTH KNEW MORI AND THEN JUST KIND OF HAD A RLLY CLOSE SIBLING BOND AND THEN THIS EXTENDED TO RANPO SINCE RANPO AND YOSANO SIBLINGS CANON AND SO THEY ALL ACT LIKE SIBLINGS ><!!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS SMMMMM!!!<333