Dazai angst omg!

I hope you're asleep for tonight 4/???

!!! FIRST COMMENT OMG OMG !!! This is the fourth part of this ‼️‼️‼️‼️ 

Making it a Sh harm recovering fic to cope with my ever growing intrusive thoughts 😼

Also everyone who's reading this I appreciate you sososo much it makes me so happy knowing people enjoy my silly little writing stories (I say silly when this is an angst fic lmfao)

Do you think if Chuuya died Dazai would wear more black or is that just me. Or would he wear like okay so yk how they both have those crisscrossY thingys on their chests?? Maybe he would wear chuuyas in the same way where he wears Oda's coat??? Idk idk

Also I wrote majority of this well on call with my platonic gf so tell her you say my children

ALR ENJOY ILYSM MY SILLIES ‼️‼️‼️🫶🫶🫶

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By the time Dazai got home all he felt was empty. He was planning on attempting suicide, like usual. Though, he no longer felt like doing that. Maybe the Doctors words had affected him more deeply than he would ever admit to himself. He sat down on his bed, the bandages Yosano had given him still in hand. He sighed. Maybe he should try to stop. It's not like he enjoys the pain, it just makes him feel.. human? He's not human. But it makes him feel like he is. Like he's not a demon. Like he's not an embarrassing excuse of a human that shouldn't even be here.

... 

He removed the old bandages, staring at the scared cuts and dried up blood. He almost felt proud, not cutting for 2 whole weeks as he applied the new bandages. He fell back onto his pillow, dropping the bandage roll gently onto the ground as it unspooled and fell onto the cold wooden floors. He closed his eyes, a wave of exhaustion washing over him as he lay still in the bed.

...Where am I? Was the first thought that came to his mind as he looked around. He looked at himself, and a wave of dread covered his mind.  Why was he wearing this? His old outfit from when he was in the mafia. He looked around, stepping forward. Everything was blurry, though his eyes fixated on the tall, large, almost frightening figure that stood above him all of a sudden. He backed away, only to feel a wall behind him. He wasn't sure where it came from. The menacing figure leaned towards him, still towering over him. Why was he so damn small?! He felt like he was in  a child's body. But he's not a child. He's not. His eyes clamped shut as he felt himself fall back into the space that was once covered by a wall. He fell onto the rough carpet texture, the Terrifying person crouched down, something resembling a blurry hand reaching towards his face. 

He jolted upwards, jagged breaths escaping his mouth as the realization of the fact he was just dreaming set in. He felt his mind start to race as tears welled up in his eyes, his body shaking lightly. Mori was going to be so mad at him. What did he do, though? What happened? Where is he? Not the mafia.. he- he's not in the mafia. He finally grounded himself, frantically rubbing the tears out of his eyes as he felt himself calm down. He laid back down, taking deep and shaky breaths.

He turned to glance at the bottle of alcohol sitting beside him from maybe a month ago. He sat up, reaching for it, not bothering to grab a cup.

...

As he woke up he wasn't as confused as any normal person would be when they woke up to see 2 empty bottles of alcohol beside their bed. His head was pounding and he felt as if he would pass out if he got up, but considering Yosano-sensei's words yesterday, he knew she would be concerned if he didn't go to work. He slowly got up, putting on the coat he adored so much, and sluggishly forced himself into the ADA's office, and sat down at his desk, despite the agonizing headache he had so often from hangover. "Dazai!" He covered his ears, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment at the loud sound of Kunikida simply speaking. "..I don't have time for your antics right now, Yosano asked to see you hours ago. You're 2 hours late."  Dazai felt a small amount of shock, though wasn't too surprised. He was relatively sure he pulled an all nighter, anyways, so the idea of him being only 2 hours late isn't too bad.

He got up, walking towards the doctors office with a slight amount of nausea engulfing him. He opened the door to see a mildly frustrated doctor waiting for him. "Dazai, you're 2 hours late." "I'm not dumb, Yosano-sensei. I'm aware of my tardiness." She sighed, nodding. "Please take a seat. I want to check in on your.. situation.." Dazai grimaced, sitting down in the seat across from Yosano. "..I didn't.. I haven't Uhm.." Yosano nodded. "That's good. You seem kind of off today though, anything bugging you?" "Hangover, probably." Yosano looked mildly concerned. "You..Do you drink a lot..?" Dazai glanced at the door, resting his head on his palm. "..I guess. It's the first time since maybe last month, I just felt shitty last night, needed to calm my nerves." Yosano nodded. "Okay. You should probably try to.. not drink as much, try to find something else to do..? And, did anything in particular happen or.." Dazai contemplated for a moment. He doesn't have anything to lose besides his privacy, something he worked so hard to obtain after years with Mori. He also knows he'd be pitied. But... no. They don't care about him. "..Just a small nightmare, nothing much." Yosano opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by knocking on the door and a certain were tiger bursting in with a bunch of papers. "YOSANO-SENSEI! I'm so sorry for interrupting you but there's some medical records about the members of the agencYYY-!" Yosano rushed to help Atsushi as some of the papers fell from his grasp and slowly drifted towards the floor of the doctors office. "Dazai- we can talk later-!" Dazai nodded and exited the office.

He sat down at his desk, across from Kunikida. Kunikida was much more focused, better than him. That was an easy feat to do though. Dazai wasn't exactly a remarkable person, or demon if you prefer. "Dazai?" "Yesss Kunikida-kun?" He smiled at the blonde. "..You reek of alcohol." Dazai sighed "I'm sorrryyyy, I just had a lot of fun last night~!" Kunikida groaned, yelling at Dazai "save that behaviour for when you're off work! We dont need you hung over on the job!" "..Okay~" Dazai leaned back in his chair, daydreaming about going home. Maybe trying to commit? No. He told Yosano-sensei he would stop cutting, so maybe he should stop attempting as often. Dazai sighed as his headache got worse, the sounds of everything within the office making him feel like regurgitating his empty stomach.  "Get back to work Dazai!" "Yeah yeah.." he got up, leaving an annoyed Kunikida alone. 

Dazai sat down on the couch in the office, putting on his headphones and listening to quiet music as he closed his eyes, falling half asleep though not being able to fall asleep knowing eyes are on him. Especially knowing ranpo's  eyes are on him. They always are. He's always being watched. Someone like him doesn't deserve privacy, anyways. 

"..Hey Dazai."

"..Hm?"

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Mwahahahahaaa cliffhanger but promise you it's gonna be okay :3

I'm rlly happy you guys like this so far and I js wanna lyk that I love all of you so much and I adore that you like my silly little stories

SO SORRY FOR A SHORT CHAPTER BTW BTW! IM BUSY BUT I DIDNT WANNA LEAVE YOU GUYS WITHOUT ANYTHING FOR A WHILE! ILL TRY TO MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER LONGER I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISEEEEEEE