Dazai angst omg!

Not connected 9/9

Getting comments makes me wayyy too happy :3

I haven't checked my stats in a while but holy cow over 2k people are reading this?? I'm excited ‼️

Mini tangent; this chapter is a slight vent piece. I'd also like to say I may take a hiatus as I am feeling unmotivated recently and overall my mental state is NOT looking great 🤫🧏‍♂️ I genuinely love this story but I just haven't had much motivation and I'm not sure why.

There's mild bending of what would actually happen in part of this since I needed my angst 🫀🧠🫁🦷

Note: what sun and moon symbolism???

Stay safe everyone 

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"I can't." "Don't need help with anything after all." "Yes you do damnit!" Chuuya sighed. "Stop being so stupid for once and listen to yourself! Fucks sake Dazai you called me asking how you should end yourself!" "That's not that strange for me, plus you shouldn't care that much Mr mafia executive." Dazai sneered, before pushing Chuuya in the direction of the door. "Anyways, I think it's time you go, you just barged in here for no reason!" Chuuya attempted to object but was quickly shoved out the house along with hearing the door lock. 

Dazai sighed, leaning against the door and falling down to the ground for a moment as his expression went blank. No need to perform for an empty audience after all. His phone was still resting on his bed buzzing every couple seconds, he didn't bother to check it since he knew it was from chuuya. No one at the office should care enough to check about his absence and even if they did they can just ask Fukuzawa. He glanced at the flow of light still in his room coming from the slight gap between his two curtains. The small amount of the window that wasn't rendered blinding by the suns rays showed a tall apartment building. He raised a hand just above his forehead, making the brightness of the sun slightly more bearable. He stood up, walking over his bed along with the various messages from Chuuya. He walked to the window and opened the curtains, the sun darting to every corner, it almost felt as if warmth had taken over the room as soon as he did so. He squinted his eyes, staring at the apartment building with intrigue. Despite his earlier statements, he wasn't necessarily against actually going through with it this time. He shut the curtains again, though still left a bit of it shining through the curtains as he walked to his bed and sat down next to his now less buzzy phone. He picked it up, turning it on and glancing at the messages sent 'you better not do anything stupid' 'DAZAI. Open the door motherfucker.' He knew Chuuya cared, but he just didn't bother with him. He's a mafia executive  the last time he met one of those they didn't even act human. They had this blank, lifeless expression in their eyes, as if all joy had been sapped from them by some kind of monster. They were a child, sure but that didn't make them not horrible. He hated looking in the mirror and seeing that, a child without a soul basically. A demon.

He put down the phone, getting up once again. He walked towards his door and glanced through the peephole, seeing that Chuuya had left. Probably for work or something, it didn't matter to him since he just didn't need Chuuya bothering him about this again. He walked towards his coat, sprawled across the wood floor as if it were trash. He picked it up quickly, putting it on just as fast before walking back towards the door and opening it. The sun, despite being mostly blocked by his house, immediately surrounded him with its rays along with a warm and gentle breeze. He stepped forward and closed the door before beginning to walk to the other side of his house, to get a better look at the apartment building he saw last time. He looked down, seeing motorcycle tracks both going to and leaving his house. He wasn't sure if Chuuya was going to come back so he should go quickly, he assumed.

He started walking faster, almost immediately arriving on the opposite side of his house along with being able to see the apartment better now. It looked close, he took a step forward before going back. If he was going to leave he should at least explain! It's the least he could do after bothering them for so long, he could've done this sooner. He stepped back again, calmly smiling as he held his head high. No one's going to ask questions, he's always happy. The way back was faster, he felt that he almost immediately reached the door to his house, opening it, apparently he had forgotten to lock the door. He walked around for a moment, before finally finding that notebook Kunikida had given him near when he was first hired. He took a pen from a drawer on his bedside table, beginning to write..

..He closed the notebook, promptly standing up and opening his door again, this time purposely not locking it. If he comes back he doesn't want his door broken down. He stepped onto the small path outside his house, walking along it quickly before he reached the sidewalk  on the other side of his house once again. He looked at the apartment for a moment before looking around the street. He had a path in his mind, he was going to get the that apartment. He crossed the street, reaching the parallel sidewalk. He walked in the same direction for a moment before going upwards towards the apartment. The warm breeze from earlier had faded, as he glanced at the horizon well walking, it was setting. Did he really write for that long? He didn't care that much when he did it anyways, so who cares. As he reached the apartment he looked upwards, the building towering over him as he did so. It seemed a good enough distance from the ground, he thought. He opened the door to the apartment building, not bothering to talk to the secretary. They'll  just assume he's a resident, and if they do check he'll probably be gone by the time they're able to tell someone. There was an elevator near the entrance, he was going to the roof so he decided to take the elevator rather than forcing himself to walk up 50 sets of stairs. He stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the roof before stepping back and watching the doors close. The elevator moved slowly, or maybe it was that he was going to the roof. He'd be back down soon enough anyways. 

Finally the screen above the doors showed the word 'ROOF', opening the doors. He stepped out and felt a cold breeze against his face compared to the earlier warmth. He looked at the horizon as the moon rose slowly, his coat moving with the wind as he stepped forward. He looked down at the sidewalk that was against the apartment, the streets emptying as night began to show.  He waited for a moment, staring at the rising Moon along with the stars that were beginning to show. He looked at the city as well, spotting the ADA in the distance. He smiled. He looked down again, there weren't any more people in the street. 

He leaned forward, and fell.

He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, looking at the sky, at Yokohama. 

He smiled.

Dear whoever's reading this, I'm probably finally gone! Yayyyy! I never found much interest in life so it's no surprise, but you're probably feeling emotional. Im more happy dead than I ever was alive, haha!  I don't want you to be sad, I'm happy anyways. I always thought it was stupid to say that life was the greatest gift of all, it feels like more of a curse to me. I mean, I'm not sure how I lived this long Y'know? I hope my death was pretty, like when I said that thing to Atsushi. 'When I go out, I hope I go out just as beautifully'. But if it wasn't pretty, oh well. Death is it a part of life anyways, and I never found life pretty. You guys know that, right? I mean, I don't know how many people are reading this. If chuuya isn't the first person to see this, can you show him? He always said how much he hated me so I'm sure it will make his day. Oh and even better, don't tell mori and pretend I'm still alive. I don't want him to get that satisfaction. If the ADA is reading this, you already knew I used to be involved with the mafia so I have a secret to tell you, I was an executive!! Ranpo you could test out your skills and try to figure out who I was hehe! Yosano if you want you can take my bandages since your a doctor, I know they'll help out a lot. If you guys get caught up with DOA just try to think like me, even if you can't. Or ask Ranpo, he's smart. 

Anyways, sorry for leaving but you should've expected this, haha!

Goodnight forever,  sleep well my friends

Sorry for  leaving but the moon always eventually leaves the sky

-OD

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Interpret the ending as you will, it is in fact Dazai's suicide note but whether or not he actually passed away is up to interpretation.

As stated earlier I might be taking a hiatus just so you knoooow

1.5k words

This is the end of this story, but not the end of the book. 

-V