What If I'm Not Enough? (intersex)

chapter second

Ashton's pov

After my 4th episode of scandal, I finally get up to refill my snacks and my wine glass. I swear no matter how many times I see Fitz and Liv on my screen, it feels like the first time. The sexual tension those two have going on is something to be studied. I have so many questions.

One question being, why the hell this white man got her folding so hard? Second, where the hell is she buying her clothes from? One thing about me, I'm gonna dress to impress. Now that I have a big fancy job with the actual title of Doctor, nobody got shit on me. So I can finally start looking like I belong somewhere.

Some way, some how I managed to get through school with barely any student loans. Don't ask me how, all I remember in the last 8 years is the wretched taste of coffee and money in my account making sure each semester was paid for in full. No, I never questioned it because my mommas a lawyer and made sure we were taken care of once she finished school herself. I definitely had a caffeine addiction though and now I can't stand the taste of coffee. It don't matter how much you drown it in creamer and sugar, the taste still makes me gag. Plus it's only good for you in small amounts.

As I stand in my kitchen contemplating how much of this wine bottle I'm actually going to drink, I hear a knock on my door. I make my way over quietly, check the peep hole, because lord knows I ain't letting nobody up in here before I see them. Only 2 people know where I live now, and they both know where the damn spare key is.

"GIRL! if you don't open this god damn door before I drop everythin' I'm holdin', shit!"

I roll my eyes and open the door when I hear Daja's annoying ass. Daja is my best friend since birth. Literally her birthday is the day after mine.  She might as well be our triplet. Our mamas done planned us like they was sister wives or some shit. Couldn't imagine how that shit was for their dudes at the time, but that ain't none of my business. That's our mamas.

"What are you doing here? I ain't even tell you I was home yet" I stand with my arms crossed feigning annoyance

Daja scoffs and rolls her eyes too because she'll be damned if she lets me do anything without her.
"And who's fault is that? Fix ya face and help me with these"

I rush to help her carry the bags she's clutching tight to her chest. Looks like she went grocery shopping. She tends to do that a lot for me since I travel so much. She always wants me to make sure there's food in the house. Even if I'm only home overnight.

"How much was it? I'll pay you right now" I set everything on the counter and start putting things in their rightful place. Well.. where I think they belong because it's usually already put away by the time I get to them. Daja is here more often then me taking care of the place since I moved in.

"You know damn well I'm not lettin' you pay for this. I'm savin' up for a big favor"
She smirks and starts moving items to their rightful spot in my condo. Guess my guesstimates were wrong.

"If you wanted to move in, all you had to do was ask Daj. Are you staying then? I can cook-" Before I can finish my sentence to offer her food, she's already glaring at me daring me to finish what I was saying.

"I already saw the popcorn bowl, you're as useless as Olivia Pope in the damn kitchen. I'm cookin' and Rell finna be here after work too. We already planned your first night back. We want this to be a smooth transition back into regular life"

"Daj, I'm not a high school student experiencing the world for the first time. Stop acting like I'm still fragile. I'm over all that shit. New house, new me." I'm most definitely not over that cheating whore, but my friends are not about to know that or I'm gonna be in for a long ass night.

"As your best friend it's my duty to ensure that once you're piss ass drunk, you don't call nobody. Matter of fact, go ahead and give me your phone."

"Girl hush, I already blocked and deleted her number. She's not allowed access to me and I've made sure that everyone who works with me knows that too. Drew knows better then to keep fucking calling me."

I'm not one of those girls that keeps old messages from her exes, especially if they've wronged me. I know that I'll reread everything and spiral until I'm drunk in my bathtub scream-cry-singing 'In The Arms of An Angel' by Sarah McLachlan. I'm not even going to tell you how many times I did that in my hotel rooms over the last few months because we both gonna be embarrassed.

The only reason I allow my brother access to me is because of our mom. I keep up a nice pretty façade for my momma but I do everything in my power to avoid him.

"How Rell been doing? I'm sorry I wasn't here in time." I feel mad guilty but I wasn't ready to come back into this mess yet. Rell's dad died while I was stuck in California a month ago. Rell was devastated, he and his dad were the definition of best friends. His dad was kind of like the dad Daja, Drew and I never had too.

It was a miserable time for us all and I just couldn't get home in time to be here for him knowing those idiots would be there waiting to catch me at the wrong time. Selfish I know, but Rylee wouldn't care to be considerate of Rell. She always claimed he wanted me and when I tell you he's gay as fuck. He understood it though and we've spent almost every night on FaceTime together just to make sure he wasn't alone.

"You can ask him yourself when he comes over. This night for him too. First we grieve, eat then get drunk. We all need a night to just be reckless for once and not think about the things we've lost"

I nod in agreement and pour us both some glasses of wine then we both, much to my annoyance, start cooking. Since according to Daja, not even Gordon Ramsey can help my ass.

Contrary to Daja's belief, I actually know how to cook. I just don't cook for myself because I can't ever get the portions correct. I never know how hungry I'll be for each meal, so it's just easier to eat salad or something lighter.

My kitchen is updated with stainless steel appliances. A gorgeous white granite island and chairs so we can eat comfortably. I love a rose gold theme, but the kitchen is more of a white with dark green and gold undertones. One could say I'm boujee, but I honestly just like having nice things around me. We didn't always have the money growing up and now that I've got enough to secure me for the next 2 years, I wanted to make sure I was comfortable.

I finished making the potatoes and added them to the plates filled with collard greens, asparagus, and chicken parmesan. My mouth was watering. I haven't had a home cooked meal in months and I've been craving this exact plate since the breakup.

It wasn't long after we finished setting the table that Rell knocked, using the spare key responsibly, and walked in before excusing himself to a shower in my spare bathroom before sitting down. One thing our mom's and his dad taught us was to never sit at the table with germs from the outside, especially if we're coming straight from work.

it's really nice to finally be home for an extended amount of time. I've missed my best friends. They're my family and they always will be.