Beneath the Surface

Chapter 18 - Chrismas time!

My legs are shivering and I am sweating even though it is minus 3 degrees Celsius outside.     (26.6 degrees Fahrenheit)

I am walking trough the hallways of my school for the last time this year, the last time in 2023. I reach the door of my classroom and take a deep breath. The door opens and G calls me in. "Take a seat." she sais to me pointing her arm in the direction of an emtpy chair. I slowly walk over and sit down my legs still shaking. I sigh and G takes a place next to my other class teaher. "So you are here to talk about your report card" miss R searches for my report card in the pile and eventually finds it putting it in front of me. "You're honor to open it" miss R sais and I open it. My eyes are wandering over all the numbers and I stop when I reach the end of the line and look up at them. "So, what do you think of it?" miss R sais. "I think your physics grades have really taken a turn to the right side and I am very proud of that." G follows and I smile, maybe a little too much. 

"Thank you, I am happy with my grades, however I do find that maths could have gone better.", I say whilst looking at the 45% in the box next to 'maths'.

"I studied very hard for it but found that the exman did not go so smoothly as I was hoping and I found that I should have studied chapter 2 diffirently." 

"Wow, it is good for you to have acknowledged this." 

"Thank you" 

"Is there any more questions you have?" 

"No I don't think so...except that maybe I could get some math tutoring but I can send an e-mail to miss K for it." 

"Ok, then we wish you a happy Christmas break and you can go home now." miss R smiles and I stand up.

"I wish the same to you." 

I turn around and once the door closes behind me I let out a deep sigh before speed walking out of the school to my home. I reach my room and scream in my pillow "Aaaaggh fuckkkk!"

Tears are now runnning down and my face is read and my vision blurry. I sent G a message: "I love you, I really do but you're my teacher and I don't know if I can go through with this.". I click send and stare at it. I keep staring at it untill at 12 am it sais 'read'. I throw my phone on my bed and let my body collapse on the ground. I am hugging my knees to my chest and leaning to the side of my bed. A quick 'ping' disturbs my cries and I gently reach for my phone behind me. "I understand but why? why?" I want to answer her and explain but her name pops across the screen indicating a call.

"Why, why?!" she sais and I can hear her cries in the background, her sniffles and heavy breaths. "I don't want to either but seeing you as my teacher talking about my grades all profesionally made me realise you are indeed my teacher and that it's very,very wrong but-" I sniffle and try to catch my breath.

"I had forgotten reality because the last time you were my teacher was almost 3 weeks ago and I had gotten used to you being the love of my life because I didn'-" 

It stays silent on both sides of the call. "I love you" is all she manages. "Please only this vacation still, I am not your teacher now." 

"Ok, but only this Christmas, and then next one and then next one and then-" 

"I know it's hard and I know why you want this" she sais, "But just this once ok?" 

"I can't do it, I can't do it it's gonna make it worse because it won't be the same. We will only hang out because we are afraid to lose, not because we want to love eachother." 

"OK, ok, but promise to keep texting me, promise to not delete me, block me, try to remove me from your memory." 

"Miss G, I won't, I won't". I hang up and get one text from her. "I love you sunshine"