I'm so stressed out recently,
As said earlier I'm dating this girl and I'm stressing my flipping self out.
I'm a Christian (a sucky one ugh) and my heart is weighing down from hiding this from my family and my head is telling me this is something I shouldn't be doing.
I'm not even sure I really love her.
Maybe I was just curious
And all this time I can't stop thinking about this boy I used to like.
Apparently I still like him.
But I think it's stronger than that.
She also just told me the other night that she's moving to her dads.
Which is a few hours away.
She's moving schools
Long distance relationship?
No way.
I don't wanna try.
Man I'm so horrible
I should just die ugh
That would be nice right about now
I wouldn't have to worry or stress if I'm dead
But my whole life I've stressed nonstop and I had good reason.
I can't take it any fucking more
I'm going to explode if I don't stop being stressed
I need some help seriously.
I want to tell her i need to not be dating and that I'm too stressed now but I don't want to hurt her
She's my friend and she's in love or she thinks she is
It's hurting me even more to think of her upset, of any of my fiends upset really
Idk what to do
I wrote something to send her but I haven't sent it of course
Ugh
I plan too much
1. Need to get a drink of water then go pee?
Plan
2. World is ending?
Plan
3. Want to go swimming?
Plan
4. Need to get the remote?
Plan
5. Want to break up with your super nice girlfriend?
Plan
I'm such and idiot
Well here's the stupid note I wrote:
"HER NAME", I'm so sorry but I think I need a break from any and all stress, which includes a relationship. I'm under a lot of stress from things at home and school after summer. I stress so easily and I've realized I'm not a person to do well in relationships. I haven't been able to sleep at night I believe stress to be the problem. All my life I've stressed, over any and everything. I had sucky friends from grade 3-6 and 7th grade was the first year I actually enjoyed school. I'm also not really sure if a long distance relationship will work out. We could obviously still talk if you want, but I need to not be dating anyone right now, I apologize.
//sigh//
I wanna die right now
