Cause I'm Really Not Fine At All (Larry Stylinson)

ємραт

The night was spent with tears rolling down Louis’ face like waterfalls. Daniel had been telling him that Harry would never leave him, but here he was, stuck with the stubborn boy he called son. 

“Dad, he left, didn’t he?”

It was the first thing Louis said when he woke up hysterically by midnight. The sound of broken cries made Dan jolt awake and rushed towards Louis. 

“No, Louis. He doesn’t leave you. He will come back here in the morning.” Dan wiped the continuous tears that kept flowing down his rosy cheeks, his bruised body shook violently with the sobs.

Louis felt pain all over his body inside out, feeling like his heart was ripped out of his chest. He let out a long wail whilst Dan kissed his forehead and continued to stroke him. “Shh, calm down, Lou. You’re okay. He will come back, I promise you. He just went home to take a rest.”

“But he couldn’t bear seeing me like this for long. I’m ugly and completely useless.” He sniffled, raising his right forearm to wipe his snotty nose. He was embarrassing himself, again. 

“Do not say that, Boo. You know, I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You are the strongest boy I have ever met. You don’t have any idea of how grateful Harry feels to have a funny boy like you in his life.”

After that being said, Louis’ breath seemed to slow down a bit. His bloodshot eyes looked up at his dad with so much hope. 

“Are you sure? Because it did not seem like it when that girl held my hand and he even claimed that she was my girlfriend instead of him.” Louis’ voice still quavered from the crying session earlier, he couldn’t help it.

“He was just overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do, Lou. We all were still horrified, too caught up with your accident.” Dan’s words succeeded in getting Louis convinced. He smiled at the soft-looking boy who had his face turned scarlet red by then. 

“Thank you, Dad.” Louis signalled him to lean down and kissed him on the cheek. Seeing Dan pressed a kiss on top of his head afterwards, he mumbled something ashamedly. “I’m sorry to wake you.”

“It is no problem at all, buddy. If you ever need anything, just tell me right away. I’m only a step away from you.” Louis chuckled but stopped immediately because of the pain from the sudden rumble throughout his ribs. “Do you want me to send the nurse in to give you pain killers?”

“Yes, please.” Louis took a breath slowly before adding.

“But no sleeping pills though. I can’t sleep anymore. Please, Dad?” He said, looking up adorably through his eyelashes.

“Okay, okay. But rest your body for me, don’t stress yourself out too much.” Dan said with a stern tone, making Louis nodded right away.

After the nurse put the pain killers in his IV, Dan was back sleeping in his comfy position and snored lightly while the younger one was laying motionless, staring at the ceiling but his mind was occupied with so many thoughts. 

On the other side in another building, the curly haired boy with green eyes stirred around on his black cosy bed. He had yet to get to sleep, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do when he met the blue eyed boy again tomorrow.

It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it was since his best mate had an amnesia and here he was, apparently had to help him with being his boyfriend.

It’s not like Louis was not attractive. Because he was, he really was, to be honest. He was all cute and snuggly when he was in his oversized sweater. Not to mention his sweet and warm personalities. He would have gone for him. He was his best friend after all.

But the problem was, Harry has never had a boyfriend before. He didn't know how to act like one.

Yet he decided to just go along with the flow. For the sake of Louis' recovery.

   ҉     ҉     ҉  

At seven in the morning, Harry visited the hospital by himself with the excuse as Louis’ boyfriend. Well, he kind of was now.

The lady at the registration table just smiled at him and let him in.

Harry did not know what came over him, but he felt the need to visit the hospital right now. It was better than turning around in the bed with his head swirling with thoughts. And he knew that lovers check on each other all the time. It could also be a start for him. It wouldn't have been weird.

Harry breathed a sigh through his nose before he took a hold of the knob of the metal door and stepped in. The click sounds were echoing in the room after he closed the door behind him then turned around to meet the wide open blue eyes staring back at him.

Oh. Louis was laying awake while Dan was still soundly asleep.

“W-what are you doing?” His voice was high and dry, like he thirst for some sort of liquid to moisten his throat. There were bags under his eyes and he looked so vulnerable, fragile. Harry wanted to hug him and made him feel loved. 

Harry walked further into the room and approached a lying down Louis. He smiled at him. “I’m here to check on you, Lou.”

“Are you... still me b-boyfriend?” It was so small that if Harry was not next to him, he might not have heard what he said. 

Harry’s chest tightened, his heartbeat beat faster than ever. He wanted to help his best friend and fuck it. He gulped down the excessive saliva in his mouth.

“Of course I am. Why did you say that?”

Louis’ eyes shifted to the wall ahead of him. “I don’t want you to pity me just because I have amnesia.”

Harry felt a strange ache in his heart hearing his confession. He didn’t expect him to say something like that nor was he ready to face it. He didn't think it would affect him this badly.

“It’s okay, Harry. I'm not gonna force you to be my boyfriend, let alone be whatever who ain’t yourself. Don’t mind me,” Louis added, seeing Harry’s reaction was enough to prove him wrong from the start. He knew Harry was not his the moment he recognized the confusion in his eyes the first time he woke up from the accident. He was ready to accept the fact that Harry was not his boyfriend even if he was madly in love with him. 

“No, it’s not like that, Boo.” Harry panicked and had to think straight about the things he could say quickly without hurting the other. “We can start over if you want?”

“Really?”

And if Harry felt content to see the glint of happiness in Louis’ eyes, nobody really had to understand that he was willing to sacrifice anything for this boy.