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Oneshot #27

Her
"Why would you care? I'm just some loser that-"

"JJ."

It's a faint attempt to try to pull him from the thoughts he was having, trying not to push as hard because I didn't want him to stop expressing his emotions, but I want him to know what he's saying is far from the truth

"You don't care. No, you don't!"

His voice is sterner, growing more resilient and defiant. It almost sounds like he's trying to convince himself I don't care, and I'm not here for it at all. All I want to do is just hug him tight, tell him that his father is a useless piece of shit and knows nothing about the true him, but instead I'm taken back from the change of tone. Reaction happens before thinking, raising my voice too

"I do care!"

Immediate regret fills my body, I didn't mean to yell at him, but in the moment it felt like the only way to get across my feelings, to let him know that every ounce of my body cares and loves him, and that it's never going to change. For a moment, it looks like he considers my words, maybe will even listen to them. We stand there in silence for what feels like forever, which really only is a few minutes in reality, swearing I saw a singular tear fall from his eyes. I can tell he's trying to hide his sadder feelings, instead showing the anger to hopefully push me away, but

It's
Not
Going
To
Work.

JJ, Please don't cry, I didn't mean to yell is what I want to say but I don't, because as much as it hurts to see him like this, it was better than him bottling up all these feelings, which he very obviously has had for a long time

"No, you got parents that live on Figure Eight, you know. You know-"

"That's not my fault"

Because it isn't, quite frankly I'd change living there for living with him and the rest of the Pogues in a millisecond. But I'm also not going to stand here and act like I don't have things that he doesn't because that would be pure bullshit, he's right, but if only he knew he means more to me then expensive or luxury items. I'd give up anything if it means being with him. Does he think because I'm privileged that he doesn't deserve me? That I won't be there for him no matter what because I'm "too good" for him? That I won't be there to pick him up when he's down? If so, all of that is nothing but false, I'd never let my privileges get in the way of our friendship, never have and never will.

"You got that"

I don't know what to say to that, hearing the panting in his voice telling that he's spiraling. So I look him in the eyes, eyes that haven't looked at mine almost this entire argument, hoping that eye contact stays just a little longer

"Look, if you need us, we're gonna help you. I'm.. I'll help"

Hating how defeated I sound, knowing it's not easy to accept help from those around you, but I'm still going to try. I love JJ a lot, with everything in me, and I hate seeing him suffer in silence, it's not fair to him

"It's that right there okay?! Like... it's so easy for you to say that. You know why? Because you're a Kook. You're a Kook Kiara!"

and those words cut deep, deeper than they should, because deep down I knew he was only saying this out of anger, but part of me still wants to break down and cry over a four word sentence. I know he doesn't mean it, he's the first one out of all the boys I trusted to tell him what happened during my kook year, reminding me that I was a Pouge to him no matter what and that him and the rest would allow me back in, even if it took some time. Half of me hopes there's an "I'm sorry Kie, I shouldn't have said that" with the facial expression on his face, but instead he just stands there, not looking at me, making the other half of me frustrated, coming up with a rebuttal as he's panting

"Yeah, I'm a Kook. I was such a Kook when I was living in a cave with you for a month. Soaking in the Kook life"

It's mean, but it's also true, definitely could have come out with less of a rude tone and without the sarcasm, but now my head wasn't thinking clearly, because when someone hurts me, this is what happens, I fight back, even if I shouldn't

"That's not what I'm talking about. God!"

It doesn't fully hit me what's happening until he sits himself on the motorcycle, starting it to drive away, fight or flight mode.

"Jayj, don't leave"

His face still doesn't face mine, looking straight ahead to where he was going to drive away from me, from us, if there was even an us romantically to begin with. Just as I thought, the engine comes on, and he's moving away in the vehicle. Still, my senseless self tries to run after him, calling his name in hopes of him turning around

"JJ, what the hell?!"

"Jayj!"

Even still, he doesn't. Alone, after we almost just kissed for the second time within two days, with my thoughts in overdrive. I don't even care about what he'd said to me anymore, I was worried about where the hell he was going and if he was going to be okay, but I know he needs space so I sit down on the chair in his garage and wait for him to hopefully turn back up.

Melia/Serenity talks:
Okay FIRST OF ALL BEFORE YOU ALL YELL AT ME.... This was supposed to come out on Christmas, so be thankful it didn't ALRIGHT. CAPEESH? CAPEESH. I probably will write JJ's pov of this argument, but I wanted to do Kie's first because I relate to her a lot in this scene😭😭. Trying to pick someone up when they're down is difficult asf, but hey let's just remember that our babies r okay after this and they acc kiss and then go on a date in s4 so YAY! Also shoutout too Sophiaaldred this is dedicated to her:))

Word count: 1086

Chapter is edited