Remus should have known that friends with benefits was a bad idea.
He should have known himself well enough to know that the thought of having sex with someone he wasn’t already emotionally invested in would have been repulsive. And so it should have occurred to him when he agreed to casually fucking Sirius Black that he was already emotionally invested in him.
In short: Remus Lupin was screwed. And not in the good way.
Sirius idly traced patterns into Remus's sweaty skin, his fingers trailing lightly over his chest, circling a nipple, as their bodies cooled down. His lips brushed over the tender skin of his neck as he hummed softly, a catchy little muggle tune that they’d heard earlier that day at the Chinese restaurant Sirius had insisted on taking him to before they came back to his flat.
It should be annoying that Sirius always wanted the two of them to stay in bed together to cuddle after. It should be annoying that he was always touching Remus, even at work; a light touch on the elbow to get his attention, a hand at the small of his back as he slipped past, fingers brushing over his forearm when he wanted Remus to notice something. It should be annoying that Black was always bloody humming. It should be annoying that he insisted on taking Remus to dinner and begged him to stay overnight so he could make him breakfast in the morning.
But it wasn’t annoying.
It was endearing and Remus fell a little bit more each and every day. He was drowning in it, drowning in the desire to spend every waking moment with the other man, drowning in feelings of affection so strong he thought his heart might burst with it.
That was the problem with the other man. He blurred all of the lines between a lover and a fuck buddy.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered.
“What?” Sirius asked, pulling back slightly to look at Remus, his eyebrows scrunched as though he thought he couldn’t have possibly heard him right.
His heart caught in his throat, “I should go-”
“Stay,” Sirius murmured, his thumb brushing over his ribs. “I bought the things to make that orange glazed french toast you liked. And I just got your favorite coffee shipped from Paris-”
“Why?” Remus asked, pulling out of Sirius’s arms and climbing out of bed, taking the sheet with him and wrapping it around his body.
Sirius’s brow furrowed further, “Because you said you liked those things?”
“Right. Nut why does it matter?” he asked, his voice sharp and words cutting, his throat felt raw with them. “We’re just fucking. Isn’t that what you said? Isn’t that what you asked for?”
“Remu-”
“No,” he said, breath heaving in his chest. “Don’t say my name, don’t make me food, don’t bloody cuddle me in bed.”
“What-”
“I can’t,” He managed and it felt like his chest was splitting open, like he was handing over his bruised and battered heart, begging Sirius to just finish him. “Don’t you see?”
“I don’t understand,” the other whispered, looking lost and scared, and it broke him.
“I’m in love with you!” he shouted at him, threw it like a weapon and hoped it would slice the other man to bits. “I’m in love with you and you just keep doing things to make it worse, and every time I leave you I remember that you said this was just for fun, that it was just to blow off some steam,” he shook his head and a tear rolled down his cheek. “And I can’t. I lose more and more of myself every day and soon there’s not going to be anything left. There won’t be even a single part of me left for myself because I’ll have given it all to you and then what am I supposed to do when you leave? When you decide to settle down with someone good-”
“Remus,” Sirius interrupted, clasping his long trembling fingers in his own. “You’re not alone.”
“What?”
“What you’re feeling? I’ve been feeling it too, for ages really. It just took me a little while to work it out.” His mouth twisted in an unhappy little grimace and Remus ached to dispel it from his face. “It’s why I want to cuddle, to eat with you, to spend as much time as humanly possible-”
“What?” he repeated.
Sirius huffed, “I am in love with you, you numpty. I’ve been trying to woo you in hopes that you will fall in love with me, too.”
He blinked, “Oh.” He could physically feel his heart rate lowering, “Well, that’s alright, then.”
“Yes,” Sirius replied with a chuckle and an eye roll, “Better than alright you dramatic berk. Now get back in bed and cuddle me.”
His mouth curled up into a smile as he slid back into the bed, allowing Sirius to manhandle him and slot their bodies together. “So you love me, huh?”
“Yes, I’ve been reliably informed that I was rather obvious about it,” he said, nuzzling his nose against Remus’s neck.
“Do I still get orange-glazed french toast and Parisian coffee if you’ve successfully wooed me?” he asked.
Sirius nodded, “I’ll give you the world, Remus Lupin.”
“Will you give me your name?” he asked and then promptly wished that a hole would open up and swallow him.
Too fast, too soon, too far.
“Did you just propose to me?” Sirius asked, head popping up to look at Remus in the eyes.
“No-”
“You did!” Sirius crowed. “Yes!” he exclaimed, flipping Remus onto his back so that he could straddle his hips and kiss him, “Jesus. Yes, Remus.”
“Are you sure?” he managed, his smile making their kiss sloppy, but he supposed that was alright.
“Yes!” Sirius enthused. “Yes,” he whispered, kissing Remus again.
And Remus supposed that in a way, they were still friends with benefits; that was the benefit of marrying your best friend.
