"W-what do you mean?" I whispered.
I wasn't stupid, I knew exactly what he meant but I'm not sure I was ready to admit that I had feelings for him before this whole terrible ordeal happened.
We had kissed before, once or twice but the kiss he just gave me, the kiss we just shared felt so different.
"Bianca, I—"
Before he could finish I was out of the car, running as fast as I could. I heard Aaron call after me but I didn't turn around to face him. I only kept running. Winding between the alleys that I got to know so well over my short time in Denver.
After about 10 minutes I finally looked behind me and saw no one, nothing but dumpsters and miscellaneous items from the stores nearby.
Store. I missed my store.
I checked my surrounding to get a feel for where I was. I quickly figured it out and I started to journey to my store.
After about 15 more minutes of walking and ignoring the vibration of my phone in my pocket, I arrived at my store. As I opened the door I immediately made eye contact with Tamryn.
To say she was concerned about my appearance wouldn't have described how her face looked in detail.
"Bianca, baby!" She shrieked as she ran towards me. "What did you just run a marathon?"
I half heartedly chuckled lightly and walked past her, saying nothing.
"Is everything alright? What happened?" She asked as she tried to follow after me.
I only waved my hand in response as I peeked at Cashew to be sure she was ok and went back to my room. Slamming the door shut, and leaning against it I took a much needed deep breath.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I whispered under my breath.
What was going on? Why did I run away? What did he mean he wanted to stop pretending?
Was he ever pretending in the first place?
I shook that crazy thought out of my head. Of course he was pretending, we haven't known each other for long, he couldn't love me, right?
I slid down the door and began to silently cry, which I'm not sure why.
The man who gave me a way to escape from my parents is now telling me that he doesn't want to pretend anymore, I should be jumping for joy but I'm crying in a backroom.
How would I ever tell him about why my parents thought it best to control me?
My cries became louder as I chewed on my fresh manicure and thought back to my days of drinking and running away. I would blackout almost every other day, which was easy considering it only took a drink or two to get me drunk. Surprisingly my tolerance to alcohol never built and I stayed in the lightweight club.
I would disappear for weeks at a time when I was reprimanded about my obsessive drinking. Taking my phone away and grounding me did nothing. I once came home to the locks changed and didn't think anything of it, I simply stayed out longer.
I almost didn't graduate high school because of my habit of going missing. From the age of 17 to right before I turned over the new leaf of my life and moved to Denver. I was a belligerent drunk who was hard to find.
In those moments of me blacking out and disappearing dark things happened and I forced the memories to the back of my head. Not now.
Sure I could be someone's fake wife for a while but I could never truly open up and show Aaron the real me. He deserved someone without such a heavy past, someone who wasn't me.
How would I be able to tell him I wasn't worthy of the feelings he developed for me? running away is easy for me as he probably just saw but, the conversation was one I wasn't ready to have.
I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching my room. I knew it was Aaron and I held my breath, not wanting him to realize that I was in here. But he probably already asked Tamryn who, knowing her, confirmed I was in fact in my safe space.
There was a pause in the steps. I looked to the side and saw a shadow in the bottom of the door. He was here, he knew I would be here. Does this mean he cares?
I felt myself on the brink of overthinking again until three knocks on the door snapped me out of it.
Maybe if I pretend that I'm not here, that I don't hear the knocks of the concerned man on the other side of the door, that he'll go away and I can just stay here in this room forever. Away from him, away from my parents, away from the whole world.
Three more knocks.
I dropped my head and felt the sting of the tears in my eyes. I was pushing him away and I knew it. But loving me is too complicated and I liked him, which is why I couldn't let him get close.
The sigh I heard from the other side of the door caused me to snap my head up from its dropped position. I counted to 8 in my head and then heard the footsteps move away from the door. I was free from this, I didn't have to worry about explaining my emotions about him or my past.
Even while I cried and drank in my room that night, I knew this solution was temporary and I would have to explain myself eventually.
~
Exactly one week passed and I was feeling no better. I barely left the backroom of my bookstore, only once or twice a day to check on Cashew. I dodged calls from Aaron for the first 3 days. On the fourth days I decided to turn my phone off and put it under my mattress. He knew I was safe and he knew where I was. He really had no reason to worry about me.
But, my vacation from my problems had to come to an end today. I had no more clean clothes and I needed a few other things. Which of course, were all at Aaron's house. Along with my car, my keepsakes, and everything else I owned.
I slowly walked out of my backroom to face Tamryn who hasn't really been asking me questions about everything. She instead has been knocking on the door to bring me food and to give me concerned looks.
I spoke to her first when he gaze landed on me. "Thank you, Tamryn. What you do for me doesn't go unnoticed."
Tamryn bit her lip in a worried way and took a deep breath. "Where are you going?" She asked.
"In an Uber." I said lowly while I quickly walked past her.
"No, where are you going Bianca?" She asked again.
I kept walking but I said to her sharply "I'm going to my fiancé's house."
~
I timed everything perfectly, Aaron had a game tomorrow which meant he for sure had practice today. He would be gone from 1pm to 6pm. Not practicing the whole time but hanging out with his teammates afterwards. I arrived at the warehouse at 1:27pm, I took a peek in the garage and didn't see Aaron's everyday car he liked to drive, so I knew he was gone. I was grateful that I got all the way here and didn't see that green rolls Royce.
I quickly made my way inside and straight up to my room.
I made eye contact with Aaron as soon as I opened the door and he sat up from his laying down position that he seemed comfortable in on my bed.
I breathed out through my mouth, knowing that I now had no choice. I had to face him.
"Hi Aaron." I whispered.
"Welcome home my love." He whispered back.
