Aaron and I wasted no time the next day researching what we needed to to find the different adoption agencies in Arizona the next morning. We spent hours surfing the web, making phone calls, prying and bribing on said phone calls to try and find out where my baby boy could be. Before every call, Aaron went over what he was going to say when someone picked up the phone. He wanted to be sure he got every detail right.
"We're looking for a baby boy, around 14 months old right now. He would've been birthed in Phoenix, Arizona at Banner Medical Center. He was given up for adoption at 2 days old. Correct?" He asked for the millionth time that day. I eagerly shook my head yes and watched as he dialed the next number for the last adoption agency in the big state of Arizona. It seemed that we combed through all of the different agencies within the state and this was our final hope. We started at 10am and when I looked at my phone for the time that was 6pm I saw a text from Tamryn asking if I was ok.
I locked my phone not answering her. We'll see if I was ok, my mood was riding on this phone call. If this wasn't it I was afraid we would lose all hope at finding my baby boy. At finding our baby boy.
I sat next to Aaron curled up into a ball as I watched him work his magic on the phone. He was polite but to the point, after all we stayed up late last night talking about the possibilities and how exciting it would be to be a family. Telling me he would teach him meditation and basketball and I would read books to him every night. We wondered what his name was, if we would rename him. What he looked like, if he had dimples... I fell asleep to Aaron describing what our family vacations could be.
Then he got up early this morning, he was dressed and moving by the time I woke up. A big smile on his face, oblivious to the drama that was caused by his game the previous night. It was like it didn't happen. All that was on his mind was to try and find him, our baby he kept referring to him as.
But after a few minutes on the current phone call of small talk, business talk, and finally offering money, Aaron gave me a look that suggested that the person on the phone wouldn't be able to help us. I took a deep breath and bit my lip, trying to hold in the tears. We couldn't find him. He was gone forever. My parents took away my baby from me, they won. And its all my fault how will I be able to live with myself after this
I smoothed down my hair and got up from the couch we were sitting on. I had to let everything sink in. The last adoption agency, the last chance, the last hope. Sure we could try calling all across the country but it was a needle in a haystack. Besides what if he was already adopted? I walked away as I heard Aaron ask if there was anything that they could do but I knew they couldn't, I gave up I was done.
I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in, sitting on the toilet and putting my head in my hands. I cried loudly, regretting so many things of my past and remembering that this is why I don't like speaking about them. Before bringing it up last night this was a passing thought in my mind. Something that could be, that I should look into, but nothing that I ever dedicated time to. And it was for this very exact reason. But last night and today I made the big mistake of getting my hopes up and being able to right a wrong that I caused. But I never could, my baby boy was lost and I didn't know how I could find him. Asking my parents was out of the question, they would deny I ever had a baby but I knew the truth.
My perfect little hopeful world that was built high and strong overnight was quickly shattered. I was ready to face every dark thought that came across my mind, I was ready to kill every fantasy of the boy that I thought of in my head, but then I heard Aaron knock softly at the door.
"Dove?" He cooed gently on the other side of the door.
"Not now baby, please." I sniffled, the tears were about to flow out, "I'm too upset at not being able to find him. I thought what we talked about last night was really possible but I got my hopes up too high and too fast." I said I threw my face in my hands and let the tears flow, I tried to silence my sobs so that Aaron wouldn't get too worried.
"Maybe you didn't, Bianca. That phone call ended pretty well with some good news." He said with a hint of happiness in his tone.
I wiped my eyes and stared at the door, curious to what he meant. I stood up to unlock the door and found myself stuck with my hand on the knob again. I didn't wanna get my hopes up too high. When we stood face to face I asked him "What do you mean? What did the person on the phone say?"
Aaron was smiling ear to ear and he grabbed my hand and practically yanked my arm out of its socket as he led me back to the couch I was just curled up on. When we sat down he took a deep breath, kissed me on my forehead, and began. "I remember you told me that Denver was pulling you here or something?" He asked.
"Yes something like that, I felt drawn here to get a fresh start." I said curious but confused.
"Right. You did said that this city was your fresh start and you didn't know why you chose here but you did, yeah?" He continued. He was dragging and I just needed him to get to the point. What was the good news? Was all hope really not lost?
"Yes, yes all that is true. Go on please." I said to him impatiently as I squeezed his hand.
"Well the lady on the phone from the final agency happens to be a big nuggets fan. I told her I would send her some autographed jerseys if she could find a way, any way to help us. She told me that she could get in a lot of trouble but I heard her start typing on the computer anyways. She told me that an older couple came in with a baby in the timeframe that I was talking about and through the agency that was her agency connected with another agency here in Denver."
I stared at him, not sure what he was getting at, hoping I was following correctly on what he was saying.
"Dove, our son is at an agency in Denver. I have the address."
My heart started pounding and tears sprang to my eyes this time in a different and happy way. I attacked Aaron, tackling him to his back and covering his face in kisses.
"Woah woah woah, we'll have time for that when we come back! Let me get my shoes so we can go!" He said in between my kisses and through his laughs.
I jumped off of him and ran upstairs. I couldn't believe this was happening. I hurried and put my shoes on and grabbed a coat, I was ready, I knew I wasn't crazy. I let Aaron handle something and he proved himself time and time again.
As I ran downstairs Aaron laughed at my haste.
"Come on baby I can't wait anymore!" I said as I beamed up at my man and ran past him to the front door.
When I opened it to walk out, a woman was standing there. I recognized her as Aaron's sister from the pictures he had hanging around the warehouse. She had tears in her eyes and a confused face at the door opening and I suppose me on the other side of it. I looked back to Aaron and stepped to the side as he came up and gently grabbed his sister by both of her shoulders.
"What's wrong?"
~
Grief is a difficult thing for everyone to go through. Aaron has been gone for 3 days since the news broke and I patiently sat waiting in the house for his return. I was ready to support him in any way I could. He wanted to be with his family, as I knew he would be. He was so strong, holding it together for social media and for everything else.
When I woke up on the fourth day to Aaron sitting at the side of the bed, eyes still a little red and puffy, he was rubbing my cheek. Before I could sit up and get a word out all he muttered one sentence.
"Let's go get our boy."
